You know how the saying goes, “It’s not you, it’s me.” Well, that couldn’t be truer when it comes to my experiences with sensory sensitivities.
When I turned five, my mom organized a huge birthday bash at a skating rink, and let’s just say, I didn’t exactly shine that day. I remember sobbing, feeling annoyed, and constantly complaining about my friends crowding me. Looking back, I realize now that I was struggling with sensory processing issues. But to my mom, it was just “bratty” behavior.
What she didn’t grasp was how overwhelming the cacophony of voices, music, flashing lights, and the incessant demands to “Open my present next!” made me feel like I was about to burst out of my skin. I genuinely wanted to enjoy the party, having eagerly anticipated it for weeks, but the reality was just too much.
And this wasn’t an isolated incident. Throughout my childhood, I often saw adults giving me those confused looks while telling me to “calm down.” They couldn’t comprehend why I reacted so strongly to situations that they thought were perfectly fine.
I like to consider myself a kind-hearted person, but too often, I felt like a moody jerk, especially when I was overstimulated. Even today as an adult, I still get those same bewildered stares and the familiar phrase “just calm down” when I’m experiencing sensory overload. It’s amusing how those words never seem to work, only making me feel invisible, dramatic, and, quite frankly, a little nuts.
Understanding Sensory Sensitivities
What’s the deal with feeling irritated when a few people are talking to you at once? Or feeling your skin crawl in the refrigerated food aisle at the grocery store thanks to the buzzing fridges? It took me 27 years to understand that my reactions weren’t just excuses; they stemmed from an undiagnosed condition called Sensory Processing Disorder. We all have certain tastes, smells, textures, and sounds that we dislike, but for some, those reactions can be downright unbearable.
For me, sound and touch are the biggest triggers. When I’m cleaning and the TV is on, my kids have their devices blaring, and one of them is bombarding me with questions, I can usually manage it all until something little happens—like stepping on a juice spill in socks. People think it’s just that minor incident that sends me over the edge, but really, it’s a build-up of multiple stressors that leads to my breaking point.
A New Perspective
It wasn’t until my 4-year-old son, Max, was diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder that I truly recognized the similarities between his sensitivities and mine. Sure, I don’t throw tantrums like he does, but when he’s overwhelmed, I often feel that same pressure rising inside me. Watching him struggle helps me empathize because, in many ways, I was just like him as a kid.
His diagnosis opened my eyes to the fact that, just as there’s nothing wrong with him, there’s nothing wrong with me, either. Growing up, adults dismissed my sensory meltdowns as mere temper tantrums, leaving me feeling misunderstood and alone. I learned to suppress my feelings, which only led to bigger outbursts later on.
Finding Healthy Coping Mechanisms
Now that I’m 27, I’m finally on a path to find healthy ways to manage sensory overload. Understanding my reactions has been instrumental in peeling back years of shame I accumulated. I wasn’t a bad mom, friend, or kid; I was simply someone with undiagnosed Sensory Processing Disorder who hadn’t learned how to cope.
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Conclusion
In summary, navigating life with sensory sensitivities can be challenging, but it’s important to recognize that these reactions are valid and not simply bad behavior. Whether you’re a parent or just someone trying to understand sensory overload, know that you’re not alone in this journey.
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