I’ve got a son who’s incredibly gifted—like, really gifted. His verbal IQ is a staggering 160. He started talking before he could even walk and could hold a conversation by age one. Watching his passion for learning and exploring was a delight for me and my partner.
We’ve never shared his IQ with him, nor have we labeled him as “gifted,” aside from mentioning he qualified for enrichment classes at school. We made that choice because, in the past, he might have let that information slip, and we didn’t want him to be “that” kid. But despite our best efforts, he became just that. He was the one who knew all the answers, excelled in class, and was adored by teachers—but the other kids? Not so much. Around age 11, everything changed. He no longer wanted to be recognized for his abilities; he wanted to fade into the background, and that’s when we saw a decline.
First, he started “forgetting” his homework. He attributed it to his ADHD, which we never used as an excuse. He missed points on assignments for not completing them properly, and honestly, he didn’t care. Those little misses added up, and soon enough, I was getting emails from teachers saying things like, “He seems disengaged” or “This isn’t the same kid we saw last year.”
When we sat down with him, he had a laundry list of excuses: the work was too difficult, his medication wasn’t effective, or the teachers were unfair. It was never his fault. Deep down, we knew the reality: he had simply checked out. His standardized test scores plummeted, going from the 98th percentile to the 80s. It wasn’t a matter of ability; it was all about his effort, which he admitted was lacking. He was just filling in bubbles without a thought.
Math, his strongest subject, became a struggle, and I eventually discovered that he was actively trying to get kicked out of his advanced algebra class. After discussing it with his teacher, we decided he needed to stay in that challenging environment; he had to start putting in some effort.
We ultimately sought help from a counselor. I wanted to gain insight into what was happening with my son. The counselor, maintaining confidentiality, provided valuable context. He explained that my son didn’t want to be different; he longed to be what he saw as a “normal” kid. With years of high expectations, whether reciting the alphabet at 14 months or showcasing facts at three, my son simply didn’t want that pressure anymore. He preferred to immerse himself in video games and TikToks instead of focusing on his academics.
The counselor shared some straightforward strategies. We needed to go back to the basics of parenting and start celebrating the little wins. Positive reinforcement was key, but we had to avoid sounding patronizing—he would see right through that in no time.
Every day is a challenge. It’s tempting to tell a 13-year-old to pull it together instead of praising him for simply doing his homework, which he should be doing anyway. Things are slowly improving; his grades are decent, though not as high as before. But at least he’s making an effort again. He’s motivated by small rewards, like extra phone time or staying up a bit later. It’s the simple things that have started to work.
I’m not giving up on him, nor will I let him give up on himself. We’ve had to explain that while it may not seem important now, his actions at 13 will set the stage for future academic success—and that can influence his career later on. An employer will have expectations, and he can’t just coast through life.
Raising a gifted child can be both a blessing and a challenge. There are days I question whether I’ve handled things correctly. Did I push too hard? Does he hold resentment? But I know he’s brilliant, with so much to offer the world. He doesn’t have to be anyone other than himself, and that self has incredible potential. I truly hope he’ll realize that being gifted is a gift in itself and that he uses it wisely.
For those interested in family planning, check out the free sperm donor matching group at Make a Mom. Also, for at-home insemination options, Make a Mom is a great resource, especially with their unique reusable insemination kit like the Cryobaby At Home Insemination Kit. If you want to learn how at-home insemination works, visit How It Works. For more on pregnancy and insemination resources, Progyny’s blog is another excellent read, and if you’re interested in more insights about parenting gifted children, check out this blog post.
Summary
Raising a gifted child can be complicated, especially when they don’t want to be recognized for their abilities. Parents often face challenges as their gifted kids navigate school and social pressures. It’s essential to provide support and positive reinforcement, while also helping them understand the significance of their efforts for future success. Exploring resources for family planning, such as at-home insemination options, can also be beneficial.
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