Parenting
Struggling Financially Makes Me Question My Parenting Skills Sometimes, But I Must Let Go of the Guilt
by Kayla Thompson
Updated: Dec. 8, 2020
Originally Published: Feb. 28, 2018
“Mom, can we go to the local burger joint?” My heart sinks as I quickly assess my bank account, wondering if I can scrape together enough for fries, drinks, and maybe a sundae. I open the app on my phone, hoping to find a coupon to make it work. Money is tight this week, and I realize I simply can’t spare the ten dollars.
“Sorry, sweetie, not today. Mommy just can’t swing it, but we’ll go next week, okay?” It breaks my heart to deny him such a simple pleasure, yet this is the reality of parenting while living paycheck to paycheck. I usually manage to gather a few coins for an afterschool snack, but the majority of our meals are prepared at home. Luckily, my flexible work schedule allows me to cook, unlike many low-income families who have to work outside the home.
As a single mom, financial worries are always on my mind. My first priority is making sure we have a roof over our heads, which consumes most of my earnings. I keep our expenses low, rarely eat out, and I’m fortunate to qualify for SNAP (food assistance), which helps with groceries. My job requires me to stay informed, so things like internet access and streaming services, often seen as luxuries, are essential for me. I’m grateful to my parents, who cover our phone bill since we share a family plan.
My son’s father contributes when he can, but being a freelancer, he also faces financial challenges.
Fortunately, my son remains blissfully unaware of our financial situation. While we might not visit the burger joint often or take an Uber, I work hard to ensure he experiences a joyful childhood. Most of my wardrobe is older than he is, but he consistently shows up looking stylish at preschool. I wait for my friend to have time to cut my hair for free, yet I prioritize his haircuts at the children’s salon. He doesn’t realize I always shop for bargains. Having grown up in a similar situation, I’m determined to make the same sacrifices for him that my parents made for me. While it can be emotionally draining, I’m doing what I must for our survival.
I’m thankful for my support system. Without them, I couldn’t manage. My parents kindly allowed us to live with them for three years while I built my career. My mom often surprises my son with little gifts in the mail, which he adores. Friends come to visit or bring us over for dinner, showering my son with love and attention.
Last Christmas, I was so financially strapped that I couldn’t afford any presents for my son. Thankfully, my amazing coworkers—who are also close friends—pooled their resources to give us an Amazon gift card, allowing him to receive presents and giving me a chance to treat myself too.
As my son grows older, the challenges mount. He’s showing interests in various activities, and it pains me to realize we might not be able to enroll him in baseball, soccer, or dance classes. He’s brilliant, and I’d love for him to take language immersion classes, but those can be exorbitantly priced.
Currently, I work from home since he only attends preschool part-time. We were fortunate to find the Head Start program, which is a godsend compared to private preschool costs that can reach $800 a month. Daycare options aren’t much better. I cherish spending time with him, reading books and playing trains instead.
It can be disheartening to see friends taking family vacations or knowing they don’t stress over every single dollar. I long for more than a few coins in my savings account after paying rent each month.
Yet, I know these financial struggles don’t matter to him; at four years old, as long as he has his fruit snacks, a few trains, and his mom, he’s happy. But I wish I wasn’t constantly frazzled, and it would be great to take him to the burger joint occasionally without worrying about the cost. I dream of whisking him away for a fun day at an amusement park without having to save for an entire year.
I hope that when he looks back on his childhood, he’ll remember the special moments we shared rather than the lack of material things. It’s those memories—like family dinners every night—that keep me going day by day.
This article was originally published on Feb. 28, 2018.
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In summary, while financial struggles can lead to feelings of inadequacy as a parent, the love and memories created with a child often outweigh material concerns. It’s important to focus on the quality time spent together and the values instilled rather than what can’t be provided.
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