From the moment I found out I was going to be a mom, my focus shifted entirely to my kids. Honestly, it feels like my world revolves around them. I envisioned them growing up in a loving environment, just like I did, with both parents providing unwavering love and support. Back then, I thought that meant we had to stay together under one roof, which led me to marry their dad.
Looking back, our relationship raised a ton of red flags from the beginning. During the mid-2000s, we didn’t really talk about toxic relationships; they were just seen as “difficult.” Whenever I shared my worries with friends or family, I was met with well-intentioned comments like, “Every couple goes through tough times,” or “You shouldn’t air your dirty laundry.” So, I kept quiet, and we limped along as a family for another decade.
As my kids grew older, I started to wonder if staying together was doing more harm than if we had separated. The emotional toll was heavy on both me and the little ones. I’d always tell myself it was okay to endure the unhappiness if it meant my kids were safe and healthy. But self-compassion? That wasn’t my strong suit. I always thought about how my decisions would affect them. How could I teach them kindness? How could I encourage their love for reading? And when they started noticing boys, how could I help them protect their hearts?
The reality was, I didn’t need to be strong enough to endure a toxic relationship. I needed to realize that I shouldn’t have had to tolerate it at all. The moment I realized that staying with their dad was sending them damaging lessons about love and relationships, everything clicked. I didn’t want them to grow up thinking that what we had was normal.
I faced skepticism from everyone—my devoutly Catholic mother, my in-laws, and even my ex, who often asked, “Why now?” I had convinced myself that the damage was done, but that wasn’t true. The path to healing was tough but different from the struggles I’d been through for years. I began to feel a sense of relief, free from the constant dread of igniting a fight over trivial matters. No more holding back tears at dinner only to let them out in the shower later. The discomfort I was experiencing now was minor compared to the pain I would have felt if my kids were to come to me years down the line, heartbroken over their own toxic relationships.
Ultimately, I decided I would rather endure this new, challenging phase than continue showing my kids that our relationship was acceptable. I knew I had to stand up for myself, not just for my sake, but for theirs. The first step in giving my kids unconditional love and support was leading by example. Even if we hadn’t modeled what a healthy relationship looked like, I could still help them recognize toxicity, ensuring they never have to experience it firsthand.
If you’re caught in a toxic relationship, remember that it can get better. There will be a lot of second-guessing, but you have to prioritize your own well-being. When you do, you’ll be in a better place to cherish every moment with your children. They deserve to see their mom as a happy person, and you deserve that too.
If you’re interested in exploring options for starting a family, check out Make A Mom for at-home insemination solutions, including their unique re-usable options. Plus, you can learn more about how at-home insemination works by visiting this link. Also, if you’re looking for support, consider joining the Make A Mom Facebook group for a community of like-minded individuals.
For additional insights, check out this informative blog post on home insemination here. And if you’re looking to boost fertility, this kit has some great options. For general information on pregnancy and home insemination, CCRM IVF’s blog is a fantastic resource.
In summary, it’s never too late to prioritize your well-being and, in turn, create a healthier environment for your children. Don’t let the fear of change hold you back from seeking a happier life.
Leave a Reply