Let’s take a stroll down memory lane, shall we? Five years ago, I was a whole different person, convinced that therapy was reserved for those who were “broken.” Spoiler alert: I thought I was unfixable. Fast forward to early January 2021, and I found myself in my basement, gearing up for my first virtual therapy session—thanks, pandemic!
Fast forward a year, and I was still seeing the same therapist. But honestly? I felt like we weren’t making much progress. Sure, I had a lot on my plate—dealing with depression, anxiety, and CPTSD, as well as struggling with body acceptance, a battle I’ve fought since I was twelve. My therapist knew about my body dysmorphia and my unhealthy eating habits because I’d opened up about them during our sessions.
Now, I’m no therapist, but I’d assume that one of the first rules is to avoid labeling your clients as “crazy.” But guess what? That’s exactly what happened during one session. We were discussing my eating habits, and for the first time, I felt safe enough to let my guard down. Then, out of nowhere, she said, “Yeah, that does sound kind of crazy.”
I felt like a balloon that had just popped. Crazy? Really? In that moment, all the trust and safety we’d built up crumbled. Sure, she might not have meant it that way, but hearing that word from someone I turned to for support hit me like a ton of bricks. I already struggle with self-compassion, and knowing that my therapist could make me feel this way was a sign that it was time for a change.
After mulling it over, I realized the real issue wasn’t just the word “crazy.” It was a clear breach of trust and a failure in communication. Asking for help is tough; it takes courage, and like any relationship—whether friendships or romantic ones—sometimes the first attempt doesn’t pan out.
My therapist often urged me to practice self-compassion, and ironically, that same advice propelled me to decide to move on. I deserve a therapy space where I can be my true self without fear of judgment, and so do you!
Now, I’m on a quest to find a new therapist. Who knows, maybe this next one will be a perfect fit. If not, I’ll just keep searching. And hey, speaking of seeking support, if you’re considering starting a family, check out this free sperm donor matching group at Make a Mom. They also provide at-home insemination options with reusable kits, which you can learn more about at Make a Mom. For those curious about how at-home insemination works, take a look at this guide on how it works.
If you’re looking to boost fertility, check out their fertility supplements. And for more insights on IVF and fertility preservation, Cleveland Clinic’s podcast is an excellent resource.
In summary, stepping away from my therapist was a necessary choice for my mental health. I’m ready to find someone who truly understands me and provides the safe space I need.
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