So, you’re a new mom or you spot one in the grocery store. Maybe she seems to have it all together, and you’re curious about her secrets (but really, don’t ask). Or perhaps she looks like she might collapse any second (definitely don’t point that out), and you feel tempted to share your wisdom or ask a million questions.
As a mom of three, I can tell you that some things are just not okay to say to a new mom.
1. “Is your baby well-behaved?”
Honestly, what does that even mean? Are there any “bad” babies? If a new mom needs to vent about her little one’s fussiness or sleepless nights, she will. Every baby has their ups and downs. This is a learning process for her, and many moms mistakenly think that a “difficult” baby reflects poorly on their parenting, which is just ridiculous. Instead, why not ask how things are going and let her steer the conversation?
2. “You look great for just having a baby.”
This comment can come off as pretty rude. It suggests that she looks good despite the fact that her body has just gone through a major event and she’s juggling a new life. Just think about it—she might be running on empty, dealing with postpartum challenges, and still trying to figure it all out. I once saw a friend, Emily, at the store with her newborn, and a stranger told her, “You look good for having such a young baby.” Ouch!
3. “When are you planning to have another?”
Trust me, this is probably the last thing on her mind. If it’s her first baby, she may feel like it’ll be ages before she’s ready for round two.
4. “I lost the baby weight in X weeks.”
Just don’t go there. Everyone’s journey is different, and not everyone prioritizes shedding baby weight right away. After my first child, I was still in maternity clothes two months later when a relative told me how she was back in her bikini just two weeks postpartum. Talk about pressure!
5. Unsolicited advice of any kind.
Unless she specifically asks you for help, she probably doesn’t want to hear your tips on sleep training, weight loss, or anything else. If she mentions she’s having trouble nursing or is too tired to chat, that’s her way of saying she’s not ready for advice. Trust me, when a mom wants help, she’ll seek it out. Bombarding her with your own experiences will only add to the confusion.
Looking for more parenting insights? Join the free Make A Mom community, where you can connect with others on similar journeys. If you’re considering at-home insemination, check out Make A Mom for a reusable option that might be right for you. Curious about how this process works? Learn more about it here. For couples on their fertility journey, Make A Mom offers expert advice and resources. And if you want to dive deeper into pregnancy and home insemination, the blog from Facts About Fertility is an excellent resource.
In summary, while it can be tempting to share opinions or advice with a new mom, it’s important to be supportive and mindful of her feelings. The best thing you can do is to listen and offer encouragement.
Leave a Reply