I aimed to be a relaxed mom. Honestly, I really did.
I view my parenting worries like Carrie Bradshaw regarded her shoes: I have an entire mental collection of them, deciding daily which ones to showcase. Some days, I stress over whether I’m doing baby-led weaning correctly. Other days center around whether my baby needs another layer of clothing or if she’s too hot in all those layers. Currently, my biggest source of anxiety — my mental Manolos — is, unsurprisingly, Covid.
Every fever, cough, or runny nose sends me into a quiet panic. Given that kids often have one or all of those symptoms frequently, I find myself in fight-or-flight mode nearly every day, along with many other moms of little ones. This can be attributed to being pregnant during the peak of the pandemic in NYC and spending 17 months raising an infant while being conditioned to mask up, sanitize, and social distance. As much as I wish I could click my heels and leave these worries behind, I struggle to let go.
At the same time, I know that babies need exposure to illnesses to develop a robust immune system. Reports indicate that children may be more susceptible to bugs and viruses later on due to increased isolation during the pandemic. I grapple with the push and pull of these two realities. It’s not just about balancing the need to expose my child to the right germs while protecting her from harmful ones; I want to keep her safe while raising a confident and adventurous child.
Embracing Outdoor Adventures
So, what’s my solution? For starters, I’ve been embracing outdoor adventures. Rain or shine, I make an effort to get my little one outside, allowing her to interact with other kids in an environment that feels safer than indoors. It’s all very Babysitter’s Club/Famous Five vibes.
Last week, I geared up for a park outing, convinced I had covered all my mom-on-the-move essentials: diaper bag, three packs of wipes, and extra clothes for any possible blowouts. Once we reached the playground, I let her out of the stroller to explore while I attempted to embody the laid-back mom, allowing her to play without hovering.
As she wandered off in her oversized red puffer romper, I enjoyed a cup of tea from my colorful Corkcicle on the other side of the playground, giving her space to roam. A few sips in, I noticed that instead of heading toward the slide or swings, she made a beeline for an enormous stick. She’s in a stick phase, and every stick is a treasure to her.
But then, my instincts kicked in.
Just as she turned around, beaming with her gummy, gap-toothed smile, I saw the huge lump of dog poop smeared all over her newfound “treasure.” I gasped and dashed across the playground toward the offending stick. But alas, it was too late. Dog doo-doo was already marring her tiny hands.
I crouched down, holding her poop-smeared hand between my knees, frantically trying to retrieve the stick from her other hand while avoiding any mess on myself or her. Naturally, my little one was distraught that I was trying to take her toy. Meanwhile, I spiraled into worry over whether she might contract e-coli or ringworm from the filth. And of course, the diaper bag was parked far away across the playground. Cue me limping over to create a makeshift sanitizing station and praying we could get home with minimal drama and mess. So much for the benefits of fresh air and germs.
Later, after my baby had been doused in more Honest bubble bath than I thought possible and was finally asleep (as much as a 17-month-old can be), I sat down with a glass of wine and realized that the dog mess was a metaphor for parenting these days. We fear stepping in the known and dread the unknown.
Changing Expectations
This is a stark contrast to how most of us were raised. The latchkey generation seemed to have little anxiety about germs — perhaps even a sense of eagerness. I remember being five years old, playing in the bath with a friend who had chicken pox. (Hey, it was the early ’90s.) Illnesses didn’t cause the same level of stress.
Today’s parenting expectations differ significantly. Millennial moms grew up during the “lean in” era, conditioned to believe we should juggle the unpaid responsibilities of being our child’s teacher, entertainer, therapist, chief nurturer, organic chef, and still hold down a job, all while facing harsh judgment in both arenas. This intensive model of motherhood feels more zealous than that of previous generations.
To top it off, we’re navigating parenthood during a global pandemic while bombarded with social media portrayals of perfect, ring-lit moms in pristine athleisure, effortlessly creating Montessori-inspired crafts from random household items. (I usually consume this content at midnight when I should be sleeping!)
Balancing all of this is exhausting! I don’t want my daughter to pick up on any of my pandemic anxieties, nor do I want her childhood to be anything less than carefree. At the same time, I desperately want to protect her from Covid as best I can. This resonates with many moms out there with kids under five, who continue to parent amid uncertainty about when our little ones will be eligible for vaccination.
So while we wait for a return to some semblance of normalcy, remember that even when you’re doing your absolute best, life — in all its messiness — happens. But at the end of the day, you can clean off those little hands and enjoy a glass of wine to clear the air and tuck away your worries for the night.
Jamie Carter lives in New York City with her 17-month-old daughter and husband. She is a writer and Emmy-nominated television correspondent. You can follow her on Instagram @jamie_carter.
For more insights on the delicate balance of parenting, check out our post on school transitions. If you’re interested in home insemination, Make a Mom is an excellent authority on the topic. Additionally, for those exploring fertility, Science Daily offers great resources.
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Summary:
In today’s parenting landscape, many mothers grapple with anxieties exacerbated by the pandemic, striving to balance protecting their children with allowing them to explore the world. Embracing the outdoors and navigating the messiness of life becomes essential. Amidst the challenges, it’s vital to remember that while parenting may be fraught with worries, taking a moment to breathe and enjoy simple pleasures helps clear the mind.
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