Twelve years ago, Mother’s Day marked a turning point for me. I woke up dreading the day ahead. My then-husband had invited his mother over, and I felt obligated to invite mine too. The entire day turned into a whirlwind of chaos.
With my kids being toddlers, they were ecstatic to see their grandmothers. Their dad attempted to manage them while I juggled cooking and baking for seven people, a task I knew would be overwhelming. By the time I finally sat down, I barely had a moment to eat before the kids and my guests needed my attention. By the end of the day, I was left with a mess to clean up—on Mother’s Day. The frustration was overwhelming.
Neither my mother nor my mother-in-law seemed to notice the stress I was under. My then-husband casually mentioned he would clean up later, but I knew that probably meant I’d be stuck with it the next day. I was filled with resentment. I craved a day dedicated solely to me, without the burden of catering to others.
I voiced my feelings to my then-husband, stating that I wanted to spend the day with him and our kids, just the three of us. I imagined a nice lunch out, followed by a relaxing dinner at home. He responded: “Does that mean my mom can’t come over? It’s Mother’s Day.” I firmly told him no. His mom had her time to be celebrated when her kids were young, and now, it was our turn. If he wanted to visit her, he could take the kids there for a few hours to give me a break. He never did, and she was not keen on the idea either. While I wanted to honor our mothers, this was turning into a day that felt more about them than me.
Throughout high school and college, I had always celebrated my mother on Mother’s Day. But as my sisters and I became mothers ourselves, it became increasingly difficult to celebrate in the same way. I could sense my mom’s disappointment as the years went on. After I stood my ground, we began dressing up, taking family pictures, and going out to eat—no visitors allowed. I’m grateful I established this new tradition for myself, as I’ve never regretted it.
Now that I’m divorced, I enjoy lunch with my mom the week prior and sushi with my kids on Mother’s Day. That’s it, and it’s absolutely wonderful.
Moms with young children at home do more than enough every day. We are the ones navigating the chaos, and we deserve a day that’s all about us. Our mothers and mothers-in-law may have raised kids, but they aren’t the ones currently managing the daily grind. We deserve the freedom to spend our special day however we choose, even if that means saying no to plans with our moms.
While some may look forward to hosting their mothers on this day, enjoying shared moments without feeling overwhelmed, that’s not the experience for many of us. We all deserve the joy I now feel when I wake up on Mother’s Day. Chase that feeling.
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Summary:
Mother’s Day is a special occasion that should focus on the mothers who are currently raising children. The author shares her personal experience of feeling overwhelmed and unappreciated on Mother’s Day in the past. After setting boundaries and prioritizing her own needs, she now enjoys the day with her children. It’s crucial for moms to celebrate themselves, as they are the ones doing the hard work every day.
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