“I decided to step back from my job,” a friend of mine confided one summer afternoon while we watched our children play at the beach. Nearly twelve years had passed since we graduated college and both embarked on our careers. This candid admission perfectly encapsulated my own experience of re-entering the workforce—a phenomenon many women my age are grappling with: the choice to demote oneself.
The questions swirl endlessly: Should I strive for a promotion, scale back, or even step away altogether? Should my work hours be part-time, full-time, or should I opt to stay home? An overwhelming amount of information bombards mothers regarding the “right” choice, complete with do’s and don’ts, timelines, and emotional predictions for a decade down the road. The multitude of opinions and jargon from women of diverse backgrounds who each face unique circumstances is dizzying; there seems to be a belief that there exists a one-size-fits-all solution.
Before I became a mother, I had no idea that the debate over “working mom versus stay-at-home mom” was a real issue. I was oblivious to the books, articles, and blog posts dedicated to this topic. I didn’t realize that women felt judged, guilty, or superior based on their choices, and that my social media feeds would overflow with discussions that made me second-guess my own decisions.
Within twenty-four hours of welcoming my son, Alex, I was asked, “Are you going back to work?”
“Yes, I am,” I responded, fully convinced at that moment. I had built a career in the non-profit sector, earning modest pay but fulfilling my passion for fundraising. My early ambition was to ascend to a director position before turning thirty, which I achieved just shy of my milestone birthday. While I was proud, I found myself dreaming of even greater heights—a VP role perhaps.
Then came Alex.
After a three-month maternity leave, I returned to work only to find that Alex had regressed emotionally. Picking him up from daycare, he would cry out in desperation upon seeing me, a heart-wrenching sound that lingered for what felt like an eternity. The progress we had made in our bonding was deteriorating before my eyes, and I couldn’t bear it.
I resigned from my directorial position without hesitation.
The following two years spent at home, and later working part-time, were a mix of challenges and joy. I cherish the time I had with Alex, recognizing it as a priceless gift that I will never regret.
When I decided to leave my job, some acquaintances expressed their disbelief. “I like my independence; I couldn’t give up my career,” they said, implying that my choice made me less capable, it trivialized the immense value of what stay-at-home parents contribute.
Last year, I returned to work full-time, feeling ready. I desperately needed intellectual stimulation, as I felt myself fading. Within weeks, my former strength and confidence re-emerged. However, I did not return to my previous level; instead, I opted for a position with more flexibility—summer hours, school vacations, and the freedom from being in charge.
My husband continues to hold a demanding job that supports our family, characterized by long hours and limited flexibility. While I sometimes envy his career trajectory, I also appreciate the sacrifices he makes for us.
I am uncertain about my long-term career path. I have begun to explore the idea of pursuing writing as a profession, though it remains more of a dream than a reality. There are days when I miss the responsibilities and status associated with my former role, but I am grateful for the opportunity to work in an enjoyable environment with wonderful colleagues.
Ultimately, I can’t say if I’ve made the best long-term decisions, but I know that my choices were right for my family at that time. Those summer afternoons spent with Alex, pushing him on the swing or picking blueberries, are moments I will forever treasure. I have no regrets about my decision to step back.
Summary:
In reflecting on her career journey, the author shares her experience of choosing to demote herself for the sake of her family. After realizing the emotional toll on her child and herself, she chose to prioritize her relationship with her son over a demanding job. She discusses the challenges of navigating societal expectations and her own desires, ultimately finding satisfaction in her decision to work part-time while cherishing the time spent with her child.
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