As we navigate through everyday spaces like grocery stores, checkout lines, libraries, or even on our neighborhood streets, well-meaning strangers often gaze at us with warmth and wisdom, eager to share their advice: “Savor this time… it goes by so quickly.”
Here’s the reality: I do appreciate these moments. I cherish them deeply. I was the mother cradling my newborn in the stillness of the night, reminding myself to absorb every detail: the weight of her tiny body, her delicate fingers wrapping around mine, and the way she would stretch her little arms out wide. I am conscious of the fleeting minutes that rush past, and I truly value this unique chapter in our family’s journey.
But what about the challenging moments? What about the times that feel less than precious? What do those kind-hearted strangers say about those experiences?
Take, for instance, the morning when my 22-month-old threw a two-hour tantrum, leading me to retreat to my room with chocolate in hand, seeking a moment of sanity. Or the chaotic trip to TJMaxx when sibling rivalry escalated to the point of our cart toppling over, their wails reverberating throughout the store. And then there are those days when my first-trimester pregnancy fatigue collides with the demands of two energetic toddlers, prompting me to exclaim, “Can’t you just take care of yourselves for a bit?!”
What do we do with these tough moments? Is it even realistic to expect enjoyment from them? Those instances when we feel like we’ve failed as mothers, when our patience wears thin and our words come out sharper than intended, are difficult to navigate.
Here’s the thing about moments: they are transient. They tick away, sometimes too quickly, and sometimes far too slowly. Each moment is inevitable, whether we’re prepared for it or not. Some will be delightful, while others will sting.
To those well-intentioned strangers, we’re sincerely trying not to overlook these moments because, deep down, we understand the truth: time flies, and we should cherish this sacred phase of our family life. Yet, time has its own rhythm, speeding up when we wish it would slow down and dragging when we long for it to pass.
However, the truth remains: we cannot enjoy every single moment. Motherhood is challenging, and that’s a fact.
So, to the weary mothers, the new ones, those barely managing, the unwell, the obsessive, and those on the brink: release the pressure to enjoy every moment. That’s just one more expectation that can weigh us down.
Here’s what’s vital: you are already an excellent mother. Your love for your children is what truly matters. Instead of fixating on the idea of enjoying every moment, what if we shifted our focus to embracing them? Embracing those difficult moments can be a form of resistance, asserting that the tough times do not define us. It’s a courageous act to acknowledge each moment, thorns and all.
So now, when faced with whining, bickering, exhaustion, and anxiety, I will strive to find something within those moments to embrace: perhaps the chocolate smudged on a cheek from a sneaky cookie bite, the new words my child is experimenting with, or even just a laugh at how a day has taken unexpected turns.
I want to live fully and audaciously, not just exist in the background. Even during those exhausting years, even amidst moments that test my limits, I want to experience every facet of motherhood.
So, the next time someone tells you to enjoy this moment just as you’re about to lose your cool, smile and say, “I will.” And with a spirit of defiance, don’t let the challenging days win; instead, seek out one small moment to hold onto and embrace it wholeheartedly.
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Summary
Motherhood is filled with both joyful and challenging moments. While it’s often suggested that we enjoy every second, the reality is that we cannot. Instead of aiming for constant joy, we should focus on embracing all moments, even the tough ones, as they shape our experience as mothers. Understanding that every moment counts, whether joyful or difficult, allows us to navigate motherhood with courage and resilience.
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