I can vividly recall a particular Saturday when I was hit with that all-too-familiar sensation that plagues so many parents—mom guilt. My little one, an energetic 18-month-old, had been awake since the crack of dawn. Needing some caffeine to fuel our day, my partner and I decided to take him out for breakfast. We chose a local spot that was a step above a diner but still catered to families. Or so I thought.
As I watched crumbs accumulate beneath my son’s high chair, I noticed the janitor giving me a disapproving look. “Sorry about that! He’s just a messy eater,” I awkwardly joked, but he didn’t even crack a smile. Great, and we hadn’t even finished our meal yet, and I was already feeling the guilt creep in.
Since stepping into motherhood, guilt has become my constant companion. I’ve felt remorse for everything—from keeping my doula at the hospital for what felt like an eternity to sending my baby to the nursery for a few hours of much-needed sleep. I’ve even felt guilty for not being blissfully happy every single moment. The list goes on, from snapping at my partner to neglecting to return phone calls. You name it, I’ve felt guilty about it.
Guilt is a peculiar emotion. Some folks will tell you it’s pointless—just shake it off and move on. I admire those who can do that. On the flip side, there are those who seem to thrive on making you feel guilty. Just bring up topics like breastfeeding, natural childbirth, or the choice between working and staying at home, and watch the guilt-laden comments fly.
But here’s what I’ve gradually learned: you can choose to let it bother you or not. Just because someone is trying to guilt-trip you doesn’t mean you have to carry that burden. And you know what? Often, those who criticize are dealing with their own feelings of guilt. Why else would they care so much about a stranger’s parenting choices?
Though I’ve made strides in overcoming mom guilt, I haven’t completely banished it. I still tend to leave extra tips at restaurants when my children create a mess. However, there are certain things I refuse to feel bad about, like balancing work and family, what I feed my kids, or hiring someone to clean my home every now and then.
There are certainly valid reasons to feel guilty as a parent, but leaving a few crumbs under a highchair at a restaurant shouldn’t be one of them. Save that guilt for when your kid is older and you forget, once again, to send in the money for school pictures, leaving them out of the yearbook. Oops, guilty as charged!
How do you tackle mom guilt? If you’re interested in more parenting insights, check out this engaging post on modern family blog.
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In summary, mom guilt may never fully disappear, but learning to manage it is key. Embrace the journey, and remember that it’s okay to prioritize your needs alongside those of your family.
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