One word: Exasperating.
Honestly, I could stop right here, as that encapsulates my feelings toward those infuriating boxed craft kits.
Let’s begin with the deceitful images on the packaging. Look at all the joy radiating from those children! We simply must buy this! I can only envision the delight of creating an array of headbands, bracelets, and other assorted embellishments with glitter, stickers, and buttons galore.
Before I know it, the monstrosity is perched on my kitchen counter, and my child is tugging at my leg, pleading for access to the ‘ULTIMATE CRAFTING EXPERIENCE’ locked inside its impenetrable box. Armed with a butcher knife, I embark on a battle of wits against the packaging, which demands nearly as much effort as I’d assume a fifteen-minute jog would take (not that I’d actually know, as the treadmill seems as appealing as a sharp object to the eye).
I digress…
After I’ve stomped, sliced, and shed a few tears, I finally succeed in opening the malevolent craft kit. I’m immediately bombarded with forty-eight minuscule, easily misplaced, and nearly invisible charms, sparkles, and a collection of other items that leave me questioning their purpose. This assortment could comfortably fit into a soda can rather than a box the size of a briefcase. Yet, I fall for it every single time. Honestly, for the price of $19.95, I could just hand my child 48 pennies and achieve the same excitement. Nevertheless, my child is ecstatic, and as a parent, I know that most of the time, you simply go with it.
After tearing apart fifteen plastic bags containing what feels like a billion pieces (enough plastic to wrap a Kardashian’s estate), we lay everything out. More often than not, the glitter, stickers, buttons, and random debris end up plastered to my coffee table, tangled in the shag rug, stuck to our feet, or devoured by our oblivious dogs. Once we finally finish creating our ‘masterpieces,’ we find ourselves with more glitter glue stuck to our eyelashes than actually adhering anything together.
The only time I notice any of the craft materials that aren’t glued to the furniture or my dogs’ insides is when I attempt to place the headband on my child’s head for school the next day. We make it a solid ten minutes before realizing that the glue is still wet, resulting in streaks of purple glitter-glue in her hair and a button firmly lodged on her forehead. The subsequent struggle to remove the now-dry headband from her hair leads to a meltdown, as somehow this entire fiasco becomes ‘my fault’ for purchasing the kit and suggesting she wear it to school.
By the end of the night, I’m left cleaning up a thousand charms scattered across the floor and pondering whether my dogs need a vet visit, given their new penchant for glitter glue and button charms. The companies behind these supposedly ‘fun’ craft kits fully understand that parents are the ones left to deal with the aftermath. I swear they include instructions just for amusement. If a complimentary GoPro camera came with the kit to document our struggles, I wouldn’t be shocked. This applies to all toys requiring even the slightest bit of assembly.
That’s why I’ve always preferred brands like Melissa & Doug; 90% of their products arrive pre-assembled. I appreciate items that come ‘ready to play.’ I like my meals the same way: ‘Ready to Eat.’ Nothing beats the convenience of takeout.
My daughter, Mia, recently received a Barbie Dream House for her birthday, and I worried about my husband’s mental state after four hours of assembly. Thankfully, he had a calm demeanor and perhaps a drink or two to help him through. If not, I might have been visiting him in the imaginary Barbie Dream House Assembly Psych Ward.
I’m through with craft kits. I’ll stick to shopping at Michaels, where I can control my purchases and often get better value than what’s inside those overpriced boxes. You won’t trick me again, craft kits! From now on, I’m blindfolding my child when we stroll through the toy aisle at Target.
If you’re interested in exploring more about home insemination kits, check out this insightful resource on home intracervical insemination syringe kits. For those considering options in fertility, the Fertility Center at Johns Hopkins is an excellent reference. Additionally, you can learn more about at-home insemination options with this 21-piece kit.
In summary, while craft kits may appear enticing, the reality often leads to chaos and frustration for parents. Choosing simpler, ready-to-use products may enhance the crafting experience for both parents and children alike.
Leave a Reply