Recently, I experienced intense discomfort in my right eye. It watered profusely, became swollen and reddened, and was extremely light-sensitive. For a moment, I feared the worst. Pro tip: Avoid Googling your symptoms.
Before I could ponder my own obituary, I splashed water on my face, removed my contact lens, and rinsed my eye. I opted for my glasses for the rest of the day. Fortunately, it turned out to be a simple tear in my contact rather than something serious like meningitis or a corneal ulcer.
Throughout this ordeal, I continued to parent, as one does when you’re practically invincible. However, by day’s end, I found myself grappling with an array of new symptoms, courtesy of my four little angels.
Symptom: Nausea
Causes: While you might worry about catching the dreaded norovirus, it’s quite possible your stomach is reacting to…
- Watching your toddler combine yogurt and ketchup, only to devour it with a pretzel stick.
- Discovering a creative wall art exhibit made entirely of late-night nasal discoveries while changing the top bunk sheets.
- Uncovering something unmentionable while washing your teen’s sheets—probably just yogurt, but still…ugh.
Diagnosis: Parenting.
Symptom: Insomnia
You might find yourself at 3 a.m., staring at the ceiling, counting cobwebs and questioning your life choices. You might think this is a chronic condition, but consider the causes:
- You muttered something under your breath that your 6-year-old will likely hold onto as a lifelong mantra.
- You stumbled upon a prophylactic while tidying up your teen’s room, triggering a montage of his childhood memories.
- Your daughter just spat at another child at the playground, which has you second-guessing every parenting decision you’ve ever made.
Diagnosis: Parenting.
Symptom: Headache
This may be a migraine, or it could stem from…
- Navigating another bedtime while answering questions about time travel and why Cookie Monster is blue.
- It’s past midnight, and your child hasn’t responded to your messages.
- You prepared a nutritious dinner that no one touched, leading to chants of “down with dinner.”
- Resisting the urge to yell at the cashier who mistakenly called the next person when it was clearly your turn.
- Your son’s sudden dislike for octopus shirts after you bought every one available.
Diagnosis: Parenting.
Symptom: Back Pain
This could signify a slipped disc, but more likely…
- It’s the 2 a.m. position you find yourself in for your infant’s umpteenth feeding.
- Carrying a baby, a toddler, multiple bags of groceries, and two backpacks in one trip while hearing the classic “my legs are tired” from your other kids.
- The way you tense up as you watch your child play, forgetting to breathe until the game is over.
- The stealthy escape maneuver employed to exit the nursery without waking the baby.
Diagnosis: Parenting.
Symptom: Sore Throat
While allergies or a cold could be to blame, it’s likely due to…
- Asking your children to tidy up their Legos, then stepping on one hours later and screaming at the top of your lungs.
- Singing Sofia the First songs in the car as if you were on stage, unaccompanied by the kids who aren’t even there.
- Repeatedly asking your children to find their shoes until the end of time, with no success.
Diagnosis: Parenting.
Symptom: Fatigue
Let’s be real—parenting is a bit like a relentless chronic illness. I do encourage consulting a medical professional if you experience these or any other concerning symptoms. But as a parent, your schedule is likely too packed to fit in a doctor’s visit. Perhaps a warning label on each child’s birth certificate would help: “Caution: May lead to nausea, insomnia, headaches, dizziness, mood swings, sore throat, fatigue, and more.”
For more insights on fertility and parenting options, you can visit this informative link. For those considering at-home insemination, check out this comprehensive kit. And for in-depth information on fertility treatments, this resource is highly recommended.
In summary, the symptoms of parenting can often mimic those of various ailments, but it’s important to remember that you’re not alone in this journey. Parenting is a beautifully chaotic experience, filled with challenges that may leave you feeling like you’re constantly battling an invisible foe.
Leave a Reply