In recent years, my relationship with my parent has undergone a profound transformation. It’s not due to loss, as my parent is alive and well. However, the individual who was once known as my father has now embraced a new identity as a woman.
To clarify: the person who provided the genetic material that led to my existence has transitioned and is now living as a woman. This change includes physical alterations and a shift in gender expression, complete with feminine attire and makeup.
While it may be surprising to some, I wish societal acceptance were the norm. A world where every individual’s journey is met with understanding and compassion, devoid of judgment. Yet, I recognize that this can be challenging for those who haven’t encountered similar experiences. Just as my parent took years to understand her true self, I also needed time to process and accept her transition fully.
I first learned about my parent’s gender identity during a holiday visit in my mid-20s. My husband and I were at my parents’ home when my parent requested a private conversation. My heart raced with anxiety, fearing bad news about health issues. What followed was unexpected.
With a straightforward demeanor, my parent revealed, “There’s a woman inside of me. Sometimes, I cross-dress to express that.” Stunned, I sat in silence as my husband spoke up, reassuring, “We love you no matter who you are.” In my mind, I echoed his sentiments while awkwardly asking, “Do you have any pictures?”
My parent, who now identifies as Julia, responded with laughter and shared images from her journey. This exchange signified acceptance on both sides, although it took time for me to reconcile my feelings of loss and the joy of her new identity. I sought therapy to navigate the grief of losing my father, as well as to embrace the beginning of a new relationship with Julia.
Julia likened her transition to computer systems, explaining that while the “hardware” of her body was changing, her “software”—her core identity—remained intact. This analogy resonates with many, allowing for a broader understanding of transgender experiences.
It is disheartening to witness some adults struggle with accepting Julia’s transition. I often choose not to discuss it with certain friends for fear of misunderstanding. Fortunately, children tend to exhibit a more open-minded perspective. For instance, when my daughter was in preschool, she asked, “Mom, who is your father?”
I explained that my father was originally named Richard, who felt like a woman inside and transitioned to Julia. My daughter processed this information quickly, expressing empathy for my feelings of loss while simultaneously affirming her love for Julia. Even at a young age, she recognized the complexity of emotions surrounding transformation.
Julia has become the person she was meant to be, and I support her wholeheartedly. Although I no longer have a father, I still have a parent—just a different kind, a transgender parent. The challenge lies in celebrating her identity during traditional holidays. Father’s Day feels inappropriate, as does Mother’s Day, since Julia prefers not to be labeled as either.
In my search for a suitable way to honor her, I discovered Trans Parent Day, celebrated on the first Sunday in November, which acknowledges transgender parents much like Father’s and Mother’s Days. While not officially recognized by major greeting card companies, this movement deserves attention.
Thus, I will celebrate Julia and the role she plays in my life not just on this day but throughout the year. Regardless of her physical changes, she will always be my parent, and that is certainly worth celebrating.
For those interested in exploring the topic of home insemination, consider checking out resources like Make a Mom’s artificial insemination kit or their Impregnator kit. Additionally, March of Dimes offers excellent resources for those pondering fertility treatments.
In summary, my parent’s transition has led to a deeper understanding of love, acceptance, and identity. Celebrating Julia will always be meaningful to me, despite the challenges of redefining traditional familial roles.
Leave a Reply