The self-esteem of young girls today appears to be lower than it has ever been. Since the 1970s, women’s happiness has seen a decline, potentially influenced by our societal standards of beauty. Consequently, many mothers have expressed concern during therapy sessions about whether complimenting their daughters’ appearances might be harmful. Initially, this notion perplexed me, but it became clear that some believe praising a girl for her beauty could mislead her into thinking her worth is solely based on her looks.
The debate around affirming a girl’s beauty often leads to claims like, “We should emphasize intelligence over appearance!” The fear is that if we emphasize looks, our daughters might rely on their physical attributes to achieve their goals — leading to negative outcomes such as superficiality or dependency.
Others argue that excessive praise for beauty could lead to unrealistic self-expectations, resulting in disappointment when faced with the harsher realities of life. They suggest that it’s more beneficial to praise actions and efforts, focusing on qualities like perseverance instead of appearance. However, while fostering a growth mindset is essential, acknowledging a child’s beauty is equally important.
Parents often balance compliments about appearance with affirmations of intelligence, kindness, and creativity. Acknowledging a child’s hard work or their creative efforts can be just as crucial: “I love how diligently you drew that picture!” or “Your kindness in helping your friend is wonderful.”
Another concern raised is the perceived double standard in how we address boys versus girls regarding beauty. While it’s true that boys are often not complimented on their looks as frequently, this can be easily rectified. It’s important to recognize and affirm the beauty in all our children, regardless of gender. My sons have striking features, and I would certainly tell them so without fearing that it would lead them to become vain or superficial.
Our daughters are just as resilient and intelligent. By affirming their beauty, we’re not suggesting that it’s the only attribute that matters. In fact, it’s crucial for children to understand that they are multifaceted individuals. Personally, I appreciate hearing that I look nice, even though I know my worth extends beyond my physical appearance. If we want our children to accept compliments gracefully, we must model that behavior by showing them that they are worthy of praise, whether it’s for their intelligence, creativity, or beauty.
While we may wish beauty didn’t hold such significance, our daughters will inevitably confront societal pressures that emphasize physical appearance, including unrealistic beauty standards perpetuated by media. By telling her she is beautiful, we reinforce her sense of worth against a backdrop of often harsh societal judgments. This simple act can help her see herself as we do — as a beautiful and remarkable individual just as she is.
Ultimately, our perspective shapes how our children will view themselves. Encouraging them to recognize their beauty as well as their other qualities is essential. By helping them see their beauty through our eyes, we provide them with a foundation for self-acceptance and confidence.
In conclusion, it’s vital to affirm your daughter’s beauty while also celebrating her intelligence and character. The balance of these affirmations can help her grow into a well-rounded individual who recognizes her worth in various dimensions.
Leave a Reply