9 Comments I Wish People Would Refrain From Making About My Black Children

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As a parent of Black children, I have encountered numerous well-meaning individuals who seem eager to display their racial awareness and open-mindedness. Unfortunately, their comments often miss the mark, leaving me feeling uncomfortable and highlighting their lack of understanding. Here are some common remarks and why they can be problematic:

1. Using terms like “ghetto” or “thug”: Referring to a Black person using stereotypes is inappropriate. When you say “those people,” keep in mind you’re talking about my children and their community.
2. Overly enthusiastic compliments: “Your daughter is just SO beautiful! Oh my gosh!” While compliments are appreciated, excessive praise can be embarrassing for my child and uncomfortable for me. It often seems like an attempt to mask underlying biases.
3. “I’m raising my kids to be colorblind”: The idea of colorblindness is misleading. Ignoring race does not contribute to an understanding of racial issues. Instead, we should celebrate diversity and educate our children about racial inequalities.
4. “My Black friend…”: Mentioning your Black friend in unrelated stories doesn’t serve any purpose. It feels like tokenism and doesn’t add value to the conversation.
5. Discouraging discussions about race: Telling us not to “play the race card” is dismissive. Racial inequalities and injustices are real experiences for people of color. Listening empathetically is far more constructive than trying to downplay these issues.
6. “Mixed babies are so cute”: While I understand the sentiment, reducing children to mere objects of admiration is degrading. All children, regardless of their background, deserve to be recognized for who they are, not just for their appearance.
7. Whispering “Black” when describing someone: There’s no need to lower your voice when mentioning someone’s race. Using “Black” should not be treated as a taboo subject; however, it’s best used only when relevant to the context.
8. Focusing on “Black-on-Black crime”: Shifting the conversation to this topic when discussing the challenges Black boys face is insensitive. The real issue lies in the larger societal problems regarding discrimination and violence, which deserve empathetic attention.
9. Questioning the need for Black History Month: This month is vital for recognizing the contributions of Black individuals in American history, which are often overlooked. Celebrating Black history is not about excluding others; it’s about enriching our understanding of the full tapestry of American history.

As a white person, I recognize that many lack the necessary vocabulary and understanding to engage in meaningful conversations about race. Rather than expressing personal opinions, it is more beneficial to listen, ask questions, and show empathy. Ultimately, everyone, regardless of race, seeks respect, validation, and connection.

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In summary, it’s essential to approach discussions about race with care, understanding, and respect. Each comment we make can contribute to a more inclusive society.