This evening, I gave in to societal influences—something I always caution you against—and attended a screening of Fifty Shades of Grey with some friends. I ignored the nagging voice in my mind urging me to decline because, after all, it’s just a film, right? However, I now realize that voice was wiser than I gave it credit for. In retrospect, I am grateful for this experience, as it has equipped me with important lessons to share with you.
I know that one day not too far from now, you will reach an age where films like Fifty Shades of Grey will be part of your world. You may even find yourselves curious enough to watch them before then. Regardless of how it happens, I must face the truth that you will inevitably encounter such content, and I want you to be prepared.
I’m writing this letter so that when that moment arrives, you will see Fifty Shades of Grey for what it truly is, not what it pretends to be.
What This Film Is Not
First and foremost, let me clarify what this film is not.
It is not a love story. While it may appear to be one on the surface, genuine love is conspicuously absent from the narrative. It does not depict a romantic fairy tale with a sprinkle of harmless mischief. Instead, it presents a troubling dynamic where a wealthy, attractive man exploits his power to seduce and manipulate a naive young woman into compromising situations against her will.
The characters are not equals; they are not partners. They exist in a one-sided relationship where a self-absorbed man’s controlling desires overshadow the needs and comfort of a vulnerable woman. This film portrays a disturbing imbalance, where his pleasure is prioritized, and her discomfort is disregarded.
Sitting in the theater, I observed countless women becoming entranced by this so-called “sexy love story,” and I felt a profound sense of unease. If audiences much older than you are unable to discern the damaging message within this plot, how can younger viewers possibly recognize it?
Therefore, my dear daughters, do not let this glamorization of emotional and sexual manipulation convince you that you should accept treatment akin to that of Anastasia Steele. And to my son, please understand that it is never acceptable to intimidate, manipulate, or disrespect a woman as the character Christian Grey does. No one deserves to be treated with disrespect or to have their boundaries violated.
Understanding Relationships
When you enter relationships in the future, I hope you will recognize that mutual pleasure and consent should define your experiences. Consent obtained through pressure is not true consent. I hope you will advocate for respect and reciprocate it in return.
After watching this film, I walked away feeling anxious about the messages you might encounter as you grow. If this is the framework upon which you build your understanding of love and relationships, then I need to clarify some vital truths.
- If someone professes to care for you, showing up at your workplace unannounced and acting possessively is not romantic; it’s intrusive.
- If you express that you are not ready to engage sexually and he dismisses your feelings through aggression, that is not love; it is assault.
- If he tracks your whereabouts and takes advantage of you when you are inebriated, that is not affection; it is stalking.
- Entering your home without an invitation is not charming; it’s a violation.
- If you indicate a lack of interest and he responds by forcing you into a sexual act against your will, that is not passion; it is rape.
- If he takes liberties with your belongings without your consent “for a surprise,” it is theft and manipulation.
- Monitoring your communications and threatening violence is not love; it’s abuse.
If his pleasure comes at the cost of your pain, and he uses it to manipulate you while playing the victim, remember that love and romance have no place in such scenarios.
This film left me profoundly disturbed and concerned for your generation. I shudder to think that these types of narratives might become a model for your relationships, leading you or those you date to confuse toxic behavior with normalcy.
The True Nature of Love
Understand this, my precious children: Love is gentle. It does not demand or take. Love respects boundaries and waits for mutual consent. It doesn’t rely on extravagant gestures or gifts; true love is sufficient by itself.
When love is genuine, the anxious voice in your mind will not be shouting; it will be at peace.
Please, heed this message, and if nothing else, listen to your own inner voice.
With endless love,
Your Mother
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