Parenting Insights
By Jessica Collins
Updated: November 14, 2023
Originally Published: July 16, 2013
“Can I have a bikini?”
I glanced at my seven-year-old daughter, her eyes sparkling with excitement. Before I could respond, she reiterated her request. “Can I have a bikini?”
Immediately, my thoughts began racing. A bikini—a genuine two-piece bathing suit, not the typical tankini. She had one last summer, but she has grown significantly since then. She is changing, and as her mother, I find myself filled with worries. I worry she may feel excluded, anxious, or even ridiculed by her peers. I fear she might struggle with body image issues similar to those I have faced throughout my life.
As a mother who has always been on the larger side, I cannot help but be concerned that my daughter might grapple with the same weight challenges. I worry she may not see a bikini after the age of ten, if that, and I dread the possibility that someone might tell her she shouldn’t wear one now.
So, I suggest we take several suits into the fitting room for her to try on. I gently guide her towards a bikini with more coverage, but she hesitates, standing firm in her desire. Yes, I know I am the parent, the one who pays for the suits, and the one who ultimately decides. Yet, I want to offer her a semblance of choice—something she seldom experiences at this age. Shouldn’t I grant her this one simple decision? This choice that won’t harm anyone and could bring her joy?
She needs a few swimsuits for the summer. I had ordered two online, but they turned out to be quite unflattering. While she looks adorable in tankinis, I am aware of her longing for that bikini—the one with frills and vibrant colors contrasting against the black fabric. She wants to feel a little more grown-up, believing that a bikini will help her achieve that sense of maturity. Moreover, she seeks comfort. Should I discourage her from wanting fewer constraints and lighter fabric?
Shifting my perspective, I decide to purchase her the bikini. A few weeks later, as I watch her leap off the dock and into the water, I observe a couple of things. First, this suit fits her better than any other. Second, my daughter, my precious girl, has the confidence to wear it and not care what anyone else thinks. And I find the confidence to let her.
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Summary:
This article reflects on the challenges of making choices for our children, particularly regarding body image and clothing. The author navigates the delicate balance of allowing her daughter to express her preferences while managing her own fears and insecurities. Ultimately, she learns to embrace her daughter’s confidence and autonomy.
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