Experiencing guilt as a working mother is a common struggle. It can stem from feelings about working, not working, or simply not being sure where you stand. The pressure from “working mom guilt” can be overwhelming.
I initially believed that balancing work from home with parenting would allow me to enjoy the best of both worlds. However, I often find myself feeling inadequate in both roles. My work time is limited, and when I do manage to carve out some moments for professional tasks, I worry that I’m neglecting my child’s needs.
Before becoming a parent, I envisioned a serene life where I could write scripts or edit films while my children played quietly with imaginative toys. The truth is quite different; when I need undisturbed time to focus on work, my son might end up watching a few episodes of his favorite educational shows.
There have been numerous conference calls where I was still in my pajamas, juggling spilled pasta and my cat’s accidents while trying to keep my son quiet with promises of treats. At the local playground, I often see nannies, who dedicate their entire day to engaging with children through various activities. In contrast, my son is lucky to visit the park daily, and even then, I find myself checking emails.
To clarify, my son doesn’t spend hours in front of screens. I limit his screen time to about half an hour each day, and I try to schedule my work around his nap times and after bedtime. While I do take him to enriching places like libraries and museums, a typical day also includes errands that don’t always cater to his enjoyment. He often accompanies me to the bank or coffee meetings, which means he doesn’t always get my full attention.
Sometimes, I sense judgment from others, even when it’s unintentional. For example, my husband might inquire if my son took a longer nap because I finished editing a project. Recently, my mother-in-law expressed surprise that I wasn’t working full-time, which caught me off guard. I felt the need to defend my situation, as if my limited work hours were somehow less valid.
It’s tempting to consider giving up work altogether and embracing full-time motherhood. After all, my husband is the primary breadwinner, and my son would love to have me focused solely on him. However, I know that sacrificing my career would strip away a vital part of my identity. I have been passionate about acting and filmmaking since my high school years, and it provides me with motivation and fulfillment.
While I often feel resentment about the choices I have to make, I recognize that my husband doesn’t face the same societal pressures. He works long hours and travels, and while he misses our son, society tends to view him as simply providing for his family.
If forced to choose, I would undoubtedly prioritize motherhood, as my son is my greatest joy. But does that mean he should be my only focus? It’s important to remember that maintaining a balance between personal passions and parenting is essential for overall well-being.
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In summary, navigating the landscape of motherhood while pursuing a career can be challenging and filled with guilt. It’s crucial to find a balance that allows for both personal passions and parenting without sacrificing one for the other.
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