When I arrived at Little League with my four young children, I asked the coach about the practice schedule, as I often find myself out of the loop until the season begins. “What nights do you practice?” I queried.
“Wednesday nights,” he responded.
“Wednesday nights?” I echoed. “You won’t see me then. That’s date night. You’ll be seeing Greg, the babysitter.”
“What about this week?” he asked.
“Not just this week,” I clarified. “I mean every week. Wednesday night is our dedicated date night.”
“Seriously? That sounds nice,” he said with a hint of sarcasm.
“It’s definitely nicer than divorce,” I replied.
And it truly is.
I understand how scheduling a regular date night can seem like an extravagant luxury. It involves hiring a babysitter, putting on some makeup, and changing into clothes that aren’t stained by the remnants of snacks or other kid-related messes. It can feel like a daunting task.
This arrangement relies on both partners agreeing to set aside a common night each week—one that doesn’t conflict with work commitments, school activities, or the endless laundry pile. Plus, it can be pricey. You’re paying for a meal you could have enjoyed at home, along with the babysitter’s fee. And when you have a bunch of kids, those costs can add up quickly.
However, I firmly believe it’s still much more affordable than the expenses associated with a divorce. Date night holds significant meaning in my relationship.
Fifteen years ago, I married a man with whom I shared a strong connection. We met in art school, a truly romantic backdrop. In those carefree days, we would pack a backpack with bread, cheese, and wine, hiking to scenic spots where we’d share our dreams and aspirations.
Then, we became parents to four wonderful children who became our priority. Suddenly, we found ourselves juggling jobs, household responsibilities, and the chaos of family life. Over the years, we have evolved into different versions of ourselves—busy, aging, and perhaps too familiar with each other’s quirks.
To clarify, PTA meetings, school events, or outings with the kids do not qualify as date night. Date night is sacred, a time for just the two of you—the couple that built a life together, from marriage to family.
Every Wednesday, I look forward to spending one-on-one time with my husband, regardless of how our day has unfolded. Whether we choose a cozy restaurant with a familiar ambiance or grab burgers from the local joint to enjoy at the beach, it’s all about making that connection.
Historically, it’s easy to assume that previous generations didn’t prioritize date nights. Life was simpler back then, as they dealt with their own challenges. However, with longer life expectancies, we may find ourselves sharing our lives with our partners for many decades.
So, mark it on the calendar. Treat it as non-negotiable. If finances are tight, consider swapping babysitting duties with a friend who also needs a break. Even if it means making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and enjoying them in the backyard with a baby monitor nearby, it still counts as date night.
If we’re fortunate, in 15 years, our children will be off pursuing their own paths, and what will remain? It will be just the two of us. Hopefully, if we invest in our relationship, we will still cherish those date nights.
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Summary:
Date night is crucial for maintaining a strong relationship amidst the chaos of parenting and everyday life. Setting aside a dedicated time each week allows couples to reconnect and prioritize their bond. While it may seem challenging, the benefits far outweigh the costs, making it a worthwhile investment in the long term.
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