Dear Mom,
I’ve been observing you, and I see you navigating this demanding role with both grace and grit. I’ve witnessed those moments when you raise your voice in frustration at your kids in public spaces, only to find solace in silence later at home. I’ve seen you, perhaps in yesterday’s pajamas, dropping off your child at preschool, juggling the chaos that comes with motherhood. You’ve been the one pleading, bribing, or even threatening your children in an effort to get them to cooperate or comply. I’ve seen you in the thick of it, negotiating the small dramas of family life with your partner, your own parents, or even a local police officer.
Your days are filled with running after your kids, getting your hands dirty, and sometimes letting out a curse when you stub a toe. I’ve seen you sharing a milkshake with an energetic four-year-old, wiping away boogers with your hands, and chasing after a ball while carrying your toddler in the crook of your arm.
I’ve also noticed the moments you grit your teeth when your child resists piano practice or soccer drills. I’ve seen you close your eyes in exasperation after your groceries end up spilled in the trunk. I’ve witnessed you crying at the sink, scrubbing crayon off your favorite purse, pacing anxiously, and sitting in waiting rooms at the hospital or pharmacy, looking worn and anxious.
I don’t know your unique story—whether motherhood was part of your dreams or an unexpected journey. I can’t say if it matches your expectations or if you felt fear upon becoming a mother, wondering if you would ever experience “motherly love” the way you imagined. I don’t know the struggles you’ve faced, be it infertility, loss, or a difficult birth. But I understand a lot about the journey you’re on.
You may not feel like you have everything figured out. Perhaps you’ve received a multitude of blessings you never anticipated. I know you question your capabilities, feeling that you could do better. Yet I want you to know that you are accomplishing more than you realize.
When you look at your children, you often see reflections of yourself, but at other times, you may feel like a stranger to them. The small joys of childhood that once thrilled you may seem trivial to them now. I understand that there are moments when you might want to throw a lamp at your teenager or feel overwhelmed with your toddler’s antics.
Some nights, when the chaos settles and silence reigns, you might find yourself curled up, tears streaming down your cheeks. Other times, despite the exhaustion, you manage to hold it together. I know that some days are so challenging that you simply wish for them to end, yet when bedtime arrives, your children shower you with affection, and you wish you could freeze that moment in time.
But each day brings new hurdles: illnesses, new friendships, heartbreaks, or even joyful discoveries. Yet you rise to the occasion, whether it’s preparing meals, working, or engaging in the garden. You might even have to stop everything to resolve a squabble over a marker or to soothe a scraped knee.
You create memories through tickle fights, dance parties, and silly songs. You might find yourself trimming a nail at an hour past bedtime or abandoning chores for an impromptu tea party, all while balancing the needs of your family. And yes, maybe you fed them PB&J repeatedly during an illness, stealing bites over the sink while they watched their favorite show.
You never anticipated many of these experiences—the overwhelming love, the self-doubt about your body, the fatigue, or the version of motherhood you have become. You thought you had it all planned or maybe you were lost and scared, hiring help or making sacrifices to ensure your child’s happiness.
Understand this: perfection is an unattainable goal. No matter how hard you strive, you will never be the perfect mom—and that’s okay. Some days you may feel haunted by this notion, while other days you find peace with it.
Regardless of your efforts, love remains constant. Your children adore you and believe in your ability to fix almost anything. No matter the challenges faced outside the home, you do your utmost to ensure your children find joy, health, and wisdom.
There is an old adage that states, “There is one perfect child in the world, and every mother has that child.” Unfortunately, no parent is perfect. Your children will grow and declare their independence, vowing to do things differently.
Yet, despite your doubts, you are doing better than you think. One day, as your kids run around in a flurry of activity, a stranger may approach you, complimenting your beautiful family. They might see your children covered in mud and jam, and smile at the joys of family life.
No matter your imperfections, remember that you have a unique understanding of your child that no one else possesses. Your experiences and insights make you irreplaceable in their lives, and you are likely part of a vast community of mothers who share your struggles.
Congratulations, Best Mom in the World—you may not be perfect, but you are doing your best.
With warmth,
Alex
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