Three years ago, my eldest daughter transitioned into the tween phase of life quite subtly. I was likely preoccupied with my youngest’s diaper change or at an appointment with my middle child when it happened. By the time I realized the shift, I found myself scrambling to adapt. I sought guidance through reputable parenting literature, engaged with online communities for support, and leaned on friends for advice, all while trying to formulate an effective parenting strategy that suited both of us.
The good news is that I’ve gleaned some valuable lessons along the way, which I’m eager to share with those preparing to enter this unique stage of parenthood. Here are my key takeaways on raising a tween girl:
1. She is her own person.
Reflecting on my middle school experiences, where I faced bullying from peers I thought were friends, I often find my daughter’s stories about mean girls triggering my own memories. However, it’s crucial for me to recognize that she has her own distinct feelings, responses, and strengths. My role is to offer unwavering support as she navigates her challenges.
2. Be present.
I consider myself the type of mom who often sits on the edge of her daughter’s bed, asking about her day. While sometimes she opens up, it’s becoming less frequent. I’m learning that it’s essential to be available when she’s ready to talk. This may mean pausing my work when she approaches or allowing her younger sibling some screen time so we can share a few moments together. Creating a space for dialogue while also expressing my interest in her life is key.
3. Establish boundaries.
With a tween, I face a constant stream of requests: “Can I watch that movie?” or “Can I have a sleepover?” It can be tempting to say “yes” just to avoid the ensuing drama that follows a “no.” While I occasionally relent (like allowing a new hair color), it’s vital to maintain boundaries. As her social life and emotions fluctuate, these limits provide her with a sense of safety and care, even if she doesn’t see it that way now.
4. Embrace flexibility.
As my daughter matures, the rules we once had need to adapt. Allowing her to stay up a little later or go out with friends, provided she fulfills her responsibilities, fosters growth. This not only builds her confidence but also strengthens the trust between us—an essential foundation as she approaches her teenage years.
5. Acknowledge her emotions.
When I explain why certain rules exist, I often encounter resistance and emotional outbursts. While her reactions can be frustrating, it’s essential to remember that her hormones may be influencing her behavior. In these moments, I find it helpful to pause the conversation until we both have a chance to cool down.
6. Affirm your love regularly.
At this age, the array of changes and challenges can feel overwhelming for her. Whether it’s skin issues or social pressures, she needs to hear that she is loved unconditionally. This reassurance can also help diffuse potential conflicts over clothing choices or social activities.
As I navigate the challenges of having a tween, I’m aware that my daughter is approaching her teenage years. While I may not feel entirely prepared, I’m certainly more attentive this time around.
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Summary:
Raising a tween girl involves understanding her individuality, being present, establishing boundaries, embracing flexibility, acknowledging her emotions, and expressing love. As I prepare for the transition into her teenage years, my focus remains on fostering a supportive environment where she can thrive.
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