Updated: Jan. 26, 2015
Originally Published: Feb. 28, 2013
Writing about the trials of parenting often invites criticism. Some say we overshare, others claim we exploit our children’s lives for our own narratives. Accusations of narcissism abound, with accusations of us being self-indulgent and sentimental.
Perhaps there’s some truth to that, at times. But my intention in sharing my experiences—both as a parent and in life—is to foster connections. Early in my journey of motherhood, there were countless days when I found myself sitting on the floor, feeling utterly defeated alongside my restless, unhappy newborn, overwhelmed by the chaos that came with parenting. Those moments were isolating, particularly because most of my friends were not yet navigating the world of parenthood. It felt akin to being struck by a bus—the Bus of Motherhood—leaving me unable to produce anything uplifting or sweet in writing. Those initial months were undoubtedly harsh.
What sustained me during that grueling first year were the connections I forged with other mothers. Be it through support groups, playdates, or online communities, words—both spoken and written—provided solace when I felt immobilized.
I could compile a comprehensive list of the challenges I faced in parenting, especially during those early days that took me by surprise. While I cherish the experience of being a mother, I also recognize its immense difficulties. Parenthood is undeniably tough for a multitude of reasons: the daily grind of attempting to feed, dress, and nurture unpredictable little beings who would prefer to indulge in a diet of beige foods, unlimited screen time, and engage in chaotic play.
To be candid, the sleep deprivation associated with caring for newborns was grueling. Although breastfeeding was rewarding, it often left me drained and overwhelmed by the end of each day. I have shed tears of frustration over meals my children rejected, wondered when I would have a day free from cleaning up messes, and felt the pangs of sadness as my children grew. I have lost my temper and cried simply from exhaustion, realizing that sometimes, parenting is just incredibly demanding.
Yet, the most challenging aspects of parenthood remain those that I cannot share—not out of a desire to conceal, but to protect my children’s privacy. These unwritten moments are the times I feel lost or uncertain, when I wish to escape to a coffee shop and shed the weight of motherhood for a few hours. It’s not that I love my children any less; it’s simply that I struggle to decipher what they need from me in those moments. Some issues cannot be resolved with simple fixes—a band-aid, a snack, or an early bedtime.
A quote often attributed to Plato, though debated to originate from Ian MacLaren, states, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” This is especially true for parents. Based on my experiences and those of my friends, we often only glimpse the surface of what other parents are enduring when we cross paths at school drop-off, on the sidelines of sporting events, or while shopping. We observe parents managing tantrums or comforting children who have fallen, yet we rarely witness the deeper struggles—the apprehension of entering a child psychiatrist’s office, the confusion of countless parent-teacher meetings, or the heartbreak of receiving troubling news about a child’s development.
I write about the journey of parenthood, but the most heart-wrenching stories often remain untold. My most challenging days are those I keep to myself, as they extend beyond the mundane trials of parenting—like wet beds or failed playdates. They encompass vast emotional chasms that I navigate daily, trying to maintain balance without letting myself or my children fall into despair. I must remind myself that many parents are traversing similar precarious paths, white-knuckled, as they guide their children through their own battles.
Although I learned early on that motherhood often brings tears, the intensity of those moments has evolved. The weight of uncertainty and the yearning for a grown-up to step in and help has never dissipated; it has only grown deeper.
To anyone out there grappling with your own invisible struggles—those battles you feel compelled to keep hidden for your child’s sake—I empathize with you. I understand the weight of forms filled out, the emails from teachers, the long waits in doctors’ offices, and the desire to collapse under the sheer burden of uncertainty. While I may not witness your struggles, I assure you, they are valid, and I am fighting my battles too—even if I don’t always voice them.
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Summary
Parenting is a journey filled with both joys and profound challenges, often hidden beneath the surface. While sharing stories can foster connection, there are moments that remain too personal to disclose, highlighting the invisible battles many parents face. Empathy and understanding are crucial as we navigate these shared experiences.
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