Just yesterday, I made a commitment. I resolved to stop raising my voice—permanently. It’s been a full 24 hours since I initiated this change, and during that time, I’ve been acutely aware of every word I uttered. This brief period has given me the opportunity to reflect on the five key components related to my outbursts: the who, what, when, where, and why of my yelling.
The “Who”
Initially, I thought my children were the primary culprits behind my raised voice. However, I soon realized the real issue lied within me. No one forced me to shout; I chose to relinquish my self-control. The responsibility was mine, not theirs.
The “What”
What circumstances lead me to raise my voice? I found that my reactions often stemmed from situations involving my time or finances. For example, when a mess is created—like spilled powdered sugar—I feel my schedule being disrupted. I often find myself yelling, “I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?” The same goes for broken items, whether it’s a lamp or a picture frame. The frustration escalates as I think about how hard I work to provide for these things, prompting me to exclaim, “DO YOU EVEN UNDERSTAND THE VALUE OF WHAT YOU JUST BROKE?” Most of these reactions are rooted in my children not following instructions.
The “When” and “Where”
I’ve identified key moments that trigger my urge to yell: getting into the car, mealtimes, and when I’m engrossed in my phone or computer.
The “Why”
The most crucial component, however, is the “why.” Why do I raise my voice? At first glance, it would seem it’s due to my children’s behavior, but the truth is, I bear the responsibility.
There are three primary reasons behind my yelling:
- Laziness: I often resort to yelling instead of simply walking upstairs to address a situation. How many times have I called out for my kids rather than getting up myself? This leads to frustrating scenarios, like discovering water dripping from the ceiling after ignoring the quiet upstairs for too long.
- Poor Planning: When I fail to plan ahead, chaos ensues. For instance, if I haven’t decided on dinner by 6:00 PM, and my kids are clamoring for food, I find myself yelling, “IF YOU WOULD JUST LET ME WORK, I COULD COOK IN PEACE!” This often results in them turning the bathtub into a mini water park, which only amplifies the noise level.
- Unreasonable Expectations: With five children under the age of ten, expecting them to corral themselves quickly is unrealistic. I need to allocate more time for them to cooperate and understand that they aren’t being difficult; they’re simply being kids. My frustration stems from setting expectations that are too high for their developmental stages.
In conclusion, I’ve recognized that my children are not the problem; rather, I need to adjust my own mindset and approach. From this point forward, I am dedicated to keeping my voice down and fostering a more peaceful environment for both myself and my family.
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