A man named Thomas, who had experienced severe heart issues, found himself in a hospital bed after being advised by medical professionals to reduce his alcohol and tobacco intake. In a moment of despair, he expressed, “I feel trapped because my ability to live longer hinges on changing into a person I’ve despised.” Unfortunately, Thomas continued his habits and tragically passed away from a heart attack at the young age of 45 while en route to a doctor’s appointment.
In my book, Transforming Habits, I explore various strategies for habit change, highlighting one that often goes unnoticed: the Identity Strategy. Often, when individuals struggle to modify their behavior, it’s deeply tied to their self-concept. Our perception of “who I am” is intertwined with our habits, making it challenging to see the way forward. This self-image can either facilitate or obstruct habit change.
As one philosopher noted, “Even the worst habits are regrettable losses. In fact, they may be regretted the most, as they form an integral part of our identity.” Change is often impossible until there’s a shift in identity. For example, someone may see themselves as the “fun person” who agrees to everything, yet also wishes to limit their drinking. Alternatively, an individual might identify as a workaholic but yearn for a more balanced work-life dynamic. These conflicting identities can complicate the process of changing habits.
Thomas enjoyed drinking and smoking, and he also identified himself with these behaviors. To alter his habits, he needed to both quit and also embrace a new self-image—one he fundamentally rejected. It’s understandable why he struggled with this; altering his habits would mean transforming into someone he had long detested.
In Oscar Wilde’s The Picture of Dorian Gray, a character reflects on the difficulty of losing even undesirable habits, as they are so central to one’s persona. Time and again, I’ve witnessed individuals needing to confront a significant transformation in their identity to successfully change their habits. A previous reader shared their experience: “I used to define myself by my relationship with food and baking, but I realized that this identity was leading to my weight gain. I had to let that part of myself go.”
Letting go of an identity can evoke a mix of excitement, sadness, and even pain. Yet, sometimes it is essential for significant changes to take place. The more we acknowledge the conflict between our current identity and our desired habits, the better positioned we are to align our actions with our core values.
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In summary, our identities can significantly impact our ability to achieve success and change our habits. Understanding the interplay between who we believe we are and the habits we wish to alter can illuminate the path toward meaningful transformation.
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