By: Sarah Bennett
As I navigate the complexities of mental health, I often fantasize about being the quintessential partner, someone who can maintain a tidy home, prepare elaborate meals, and host gatherings. Unfortunately, my reality is often far from that ideal. My living space is usually cluttered, cooking is a rare occurrence, baking feels like an impossible task, and I consistently fall behind on laundry. Just finding a pen or my textbook can take an exhausting amount of time.
Instead of engaging in those activities, I frequently find myself wrapped in a blanket on the couch, binge-watching old TV shows and scrolling through social media as I struggle with stress-related eating. It’s easy to label myself as lazy and inadequate. However, I have to remind myself that this is not laziness—it’s a daily battle against mental illness.
Each day, I put forth significant effort to manage my mental health. This ongoing struggle consumes most of my energy, requiring me to take time to rest and recover. Reflecting on my day offers a different perspective.
This morning, getting out of bed was a monumental challenge. My anxiety disrupts my sleep, and even with medication, rising in the morning is a feat. After a long 45 minutes, I finally found the strength to shower and prepare for work, and arriving early felt like a victory.
Throughout the workday, I maintained clarity and avoided panic attacks, even in situations that typically trigger them. I managed to be professional, engaging, and sociable, despite the toll my social anxiety takes on me. After a long day, I focused on self-care, seeking out calming activities and nurturing my well-being.
In the evening, I gathered what little energy I had left to play a board game with my partner and tackle two loads of laundry. I also caught up with friends over email. Although these activities are positive, they can be draining. Later that night, I spent hours experimenting with techniques to combat insomnia, which is another hurdle I face.
When I review my day, I don’t see someone who is lazy. Instead, I see an individual who is fighting against numerous daily obstacles. I recognize my efforts as a dedicated employee, a supportive friend, and a loving partner, all while managing my internal struggles. Prioritizing self-care underscores my commitment to mental health.
I am not lazy; I am engaged in a continuous battle each day. While I may not win every fight, I persist in my efforts.
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In summary, mental illness is not a reflection of laziness; it involves significant daily challenges that demand resilience and determination. Each small victory is a testament to the strength required to navigate this journey.
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