On a chilly Friday evening, I found myself cozied up at my kitchen island, legs crossed, while the snow danced outside my window after tucking my kids in for the night. As I munched on Doritos—two at a time—my thoughts drifted to the chaos online surrounding a woman who proposed to her boyfriend with a bouquet made of Doritos. Meanwhile, my soon-to-be ex-husband was out on his first date since our separation. Strangely enough, I felt completely at ease about it.
I can’t quite put my finger on why I feel this way. This man, who is still technically my husband and the father of our children, is out enjoying dinners with another woman. It seems contradictory, yet it also feels liberating. When he shared her name, I briefly considered looking her up on social media but dismissed the idea—I’d rather not cover my phone in cheesy residue, and honestly, I didn’t want to feed into that curiosity.
Sitting there with my bag of Doritos, I relished the peaceful atmosphere, the soft snowflakes, and the quietness that enveloped my home. The thought of sprawling out in bed, free from the familiar sound of my husband’s snoring, was pure bliss.
After two decades with this man—whom I once dreamed of marrying and building a family with—I’ve come to realize that my love for him has shifted. It no longer resembles the passionate bond expected between a husband and wife. We both recognize this new dynamic and have been supportive of one another as we navigate this transition. Perhaps this mutual understanding is why we both feel a sense of liberation.
My feelings for him have transformed into something akin to maternal love. He craves the passion and connection that I can no longer provide. I genuinely want him to find that joy, and if dating is part of his healing process, then I wholeheartedly support him.
It’s been nearly a year since we were intimate or romantic, and truthfully, I haven’t had the desire to rekindle that part of our relationship for much longer. We fought tirelessly for six years, trying to mend our fractured bond, but despite our efforts, it became clear that we were irreparably broken.
The wonderful man who once proposed to me has so much to offer the world, and even though we no longer share a home, we remain connected in many ways—especially as co-parents. He even asked for my advice on what to wear for his date, and I was happy to offer my suggestions. The next day, over lunch, he shared details about her, and I listened with interest. When he mentioned he was also talking to another woman because he didn’t want to be tied down after so long, I jokingly called him a “douchebag” and reminded him to be upfront with both women about his current intentions.
I genuinely enjoy seeing him happy and moving forward in life. As for me, I’m also embracing my own journey, albeit with a bag of Doritos as my companion for now. My “lady workshop” isn’t quite ready for new adventures yet.
For those considering alternative family-building options, you might want to check out the excellent resources on pregnancy and home insemination at Hopkins Medicine, or explore the impregnator at home insemination kit and Cryobaby at home insemination kit.
In summary, while my ex-husband embarks on a new chapter in his life, I’ve found comfort in my own solitude and self-acceptance. Our paths may be diverging, but I’m grateful for the journey we shared and optimistic about what lies ahead for both of us.
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