My son, Lucas, was in first grade when we first used school lunch as a form of discipline. Being our oldest, he is an extremely selective eater. When I say selective, I mean he has a very limited range of foods he can tolerate: cereal, macaroni and cheese, sweets, and pistachios. It’s surprising how narrow his food choices are, and I can’t help but feel a bit of guilt—after all, I’m a picky eater too. I’ve learned to endure various dishes when dining at other people’s homes, but I’d prefer to subsist solely on breakfast cereal and diet soda. This personal history makes me empathize with Lucas’s anxiety over school lunches, and I truly pity his future partner, as my eating habits drive my spouse mad.
I’m unsure whether school lunches are as dreadful now as they were back in the ’90s, or if they were ever that bad at all. Perhaps it was simply the lack of control over my meals that I found so unsettling. The idea of being offered two options—lasagna or meatloaf, with a side of half-frozen tater tots—was just not appealing. Nevertheless, Lucas demanded a packed lunch each day, and the thought of attending school without it terrified him more than facing a dark, foreboding cave. He simply wouldn’t eat anything not made at home from his limited list of “acceptable” foods.
The imposition of this punishment came about when Lucas refused to clean his room one evening. We lived in a small three-bedroom apartment, and clutter was a constant eyesore. As he defiantly folded his arms and narrowed his blue eyes, I glanced at his packed lunch in the kitchen and declared, “Fine. If you won’t clean your room, you’ll be having school lunch tomorrow.”
He didn’t throw a tantrum, but the hurt in his eyes indicated that he was suffering inside. As a parent, I know I shouldn’t take pleasure in my child’s discomfort, yet many parents find a sense of satisfaction in discovering those buttons that can motivate their children. Some might resort to taking away allowances or screen time, while for us, it was the dreaded school lunch. It served as a powerful motivator.
After years of struggling to find effective discipline methods, I finally discovered the key—school lunch. Lucas wasn’t a bad kid, but nothing is more frustrating than a child refusing to do simple chores, homework, or basic hygiene. You impose a punishment, thinking it will be impactful, only to have your child look up at you, shrug, and say, “Is that the best you can do?”
So, Lucas eventually cleaned his room. For a long time, school lunch was a punishment for him, and it even extended to our younger daughter. I know there will be those who criticize my approach, equating the use of school lunch as a punitive measure to corporal punishment. They might argue that I’m creating lifelong food issues, or that I’m linking food with chores, which could lead to unhealthy relationships with food in adulthood.
However, something interesting happened after a couple of years of using school lunch as a threat. One day, Lucas shrugged and said, “That’s okay. I like school lunch.” In that moment, I felt as though I had lost my ultimate weapon. By the next day, I realized how incredible this was: my son, who once feared anything outside his limited menu, was now comfortable eating school lunch. While he is still a picky eater, he has become less so over the years. Anyone who has witnessed a child struggling to eat something as simple as a bean burrito can appreciate how significant this change is.
Now, Lucas is in fourth grade and no longer requires a packed lunch. He simply goes to school and eats whatever is on the menu. Sometimes, parenting turns out in unexpected ways. My efforts to encourage him to take responsibility transformed him into a better eater. Though this was never my intention, it happened. Now, I just need to figure out a new method of discipline for the next time he refuses to clean his room.
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Summary
The author shares a personal narrative about using school lunch as a disciplinary tool for their picky eater son, Lucas. Initially, it was a source of dread for him, but over time, he grew to accept and even enjoy school lunches, leading to an unexpected improvement in his eating habits. This experience serves as a reminder that parenting can lead to surprising outcomes, often in ways we do not anticipate.
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