The day I learned I was expecting a boy was overshadowed by unsettling events in the U.S. It coincided with the day when George Zimmerman, the man responsible for Trayvon Martin’s death, was granted bail. This moment served as a stark reminder that societal hatred and ignorance can affect anyone, including innocent children.
Before this life-changing news, my identity as a feminist was unequivocal. As a woman of color, I embraced the womanist ideals championed by Alice Walker and Delores Williams. I was actively involved in initiatives like the Women’s Law Center’s equal pay campaign in 2010 and supported organizations like Planned Parenthood in New York. Growing up as one of two daughters of a single working mother who herself was raised by a single mom, my focus was entirely on elevating women’s voices.
Then, I became a mother to a son.
In the initial moments of parenthood, alongside the natural worries of “I hope I don’t drop him,” I envisioned the beautiful journey I wanted for him. I pondered over the myriad challenges he might face and the kind of person he would become. Would he be resilient, sensitive, humorous, or musically talented? My thoughts often drifted to how the world would perceive him.
I had hoped that raising a boy would be an opportunity to instill in him a deep respect for women and an understanding of their crucial role in society. However, I soon realized that boys also need affirmation of their own worth and the fight for equality. This awakening prompted a reevaluation of my feminism, leading me to a new understanding of its scope.
The Realities of Masculinity
One day, while shopping at Target — a sanctuary for me — I faced a surprising revelation. My son was three, and I was searching for his first set of “big boy underwear.” It struck me that the boys’ section was significantly smaller than that for girls. The boys’ aisle was depleted and understocked, while the girls’ section overflowed with colorful options. This stark contrast made me reflect on the broader implications of masculinity in society.
I began to question whether the feminist movement was inadvertently neglecting the emotional well-being of boys. I realized that many of the issues women face stem from a societal misunderstanding of masculinity. It became clear to me that advocating for women also meant advocating for boys, starting with my own.
Boys face significant challenges too. Statistics reveal that 25% of eating disorder diagnoses occur in males, and they are more likely to succeed in committing suicide. They have higher dropout rates from educational institutions and are more prone to substance abuse. While I had previously accepted these statistics as a mere consequence of demographics, seeing these facts through the lens of my son made them far more pressing.
In discussions with male friends, I was struck by the prevalence of sexual assault experiences among them. Out of ten friends, only two reported they had never faced such trauma. It became evident that vital concepts like self-love and consent often evade boys, especially those raised by single mothers, like myself. Nurturing our sons’ emotional and mental health is just as critical as advocating for our daughters.
Emotional Intelligence in Boys
One of the most significant lessons I’ve learned in raising my son is the importance of allowing him to express his emotions freely. Every parent encounters moments when a child’s tantrum has lasted long enough, prompting a need for intervention. However, I’ve made it a priority to create space for him to experience sorrow, frustration, and even anger without judgment.
My approach is to encourage him to recognize and own his emotions. I allow him to take a moment alone to process his feelings, assuring him that I am here to listen when he feels ready to share. I also empower him to assert his boundaries, whether it’s declining a hug from a relative or expressing discomfort with a teacher. We’re moving away from the outdated notion that boys should “suck it up.” My son is not yet five, yet he shows awareness of gender identity, whether trans or cis.
Feminism and Masculinism: A Unified Approach
Mothering a boy has taught me the crucial interconnection between feminism and masculinism. I cannot champion women’s rights without also advocating for the emotional health of boys. Every issue tied to feminism inevitably relates back to the harmful aspects of hypermasculinity. With the political landscape shifting toward conservatism, it has become increasingly important for men to empathize with women and their experiences.
Raising my son to be conscious and considerate is fundamental to nurturing a man who stands for equality, regardless of personal gain. Boys who grow up in environments filled with love, respect, and trust do not feel the need to resort to hypermasculine behavior for validation. They are less likely to intimidate or exert power over women, embracing instead a commitment to fairness and equality.
As feminists and advocates for progressive change, it is our duty to uplift not only our daughters but also the sons they will encounter. I am beginning this journey with my own son.
In summary, my experience as a mother has reshaped my understanding of feminism, illuminating the necessity of addressing boys’ emotional health and the societal expectations placed upon them. For those interested in exploring related topics, check out our insightful posts on artificial insemination kits, such as this one. Additionally, for a comprehensive guide on pregnancy and home insemination, visit this excellent resource.
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