By: Jessica Reynolds
As I gently push open the door to my teenager’s sanctuary, I’m met with a cozy warmth and a distinctive aroma that can only be described as a blend of teen spirit and lingering snacks. Sunlight streams through the half-drawn curtains, illuminating a chaotic scene where my daughter is tangled in her blankets, blissfully snoozing away. It’s a Saturday, which means the chances of her emerging before noon are slim to none.
In contrast, my household is a whirlwind of activity. My partner is whipping up breakfast, the middle child is strumming a few chords on the guitar, and the youngest is constructing an elaborate foam block fortress for her collection of mini toys—impatiently awaiting her second breakfast. I find myself multitasking: baking muffins for the upcoming soccer game, jotting down grocery items, and tackling a crossword puzzle.
Staying busy seems to be the norm. In today’s world, if you’re not engaged in some activity, it often feels like you’re falling behind. This expectation can bring a wave of guilt, especially for us mothers. But my sleepy teenager appears immune to this pressure.
After indulging in a long sleep, my daughter may eventually shuffle into the kitchen for pancakes, leftover brownies, and a side of soy bacon. Attempting to engage her in conversation typically results in one-word responses or mumbled grunts, followed by a retreat back to her room for a popcorn and movie marathon on her laptop.
Her living space resembles a tornado’s aftermath (though she somehow navigates through it), and when I ask her to tidy up, walk the dog, or fold laundry, she reacts as if I’ve asked her to clean the bathroom with a toothbrush. It’s a frustrating cycle; she seems unmotivated to contribute to our daily family life, but there’s a deeper reason behind her behavior.
It’s hard not to feel exasperated when I ask for help, and she either agrees but doesn’t follow through, pretends not to hear me, or simply states her disinterest. Sure, I have my own list of chores that I’d rather avoid, but I push through.
Life as an adult is often exhausting and stressful, but my daughter is navigating the complexities of being a 21st-century teenager. With her schedule packed with seven hours of school, three hours of daily sports practice, and roughly two hours of homework each night, she somehow carves out time for a social life, both online and off. Considering this demanding routine, it’s no surprise that she’s drained by the weekend.
Moreover, science reveals that teenagers have a biological reason for their seemingly lazy weekends. Frances E. Jensen, MD, explains that adolescents are naturally “owls,” meaning their internal clocks cause them to feel more alert later in the evening. This results from melatonin release occurring about two hours later for teens than for adults.
Countless nights, I hear my daughter moving around her room while I’m settling into bed. Unfortunately, she must rise early for school, leading to a chronic sleep deficit. A study from the National Sleep Foundation shows that 76% of high school students in the U.S. get less than the recommended nine hours of sleep on weeknights.
But sleep deprivation isn’t the only factor in the perceived lethargy of teens. Research has evolved, and we now understand that the brain continues to develop significantly during adolescence, creating an abundance of synapses—the connections between neurons. Teens require more rest to support brain development, memory consolidation, and the pruning of unused synapses. Consequently, when they don’t get enough sleep during the week, their bodies seek to recuperate on weekends. What may seem like laziness is often genuine exhaustion and a crucial phase of growth.
While science doesn’t always absolve my daughter of her responsibilities, it does shed light on her occasional crankiness and reluctance to engage during her free time. Coming from a generation that prizes busyness, I’ve started to see the absurdity of this mindset. Who says adults can’t also benefit from rest and downtime? Notably, Michael Lewis, the renowned author behind works like Moneyball and The Big Short, posits that doing nothing could be the key to success. It’s amusing that my daughter has grasped this concept at just 14, while I still find myself racing around like a headless chicken. Perhaps an all-day sleep-in is just what I need.
In summary, the reality of having a laid-back teenager is a multifaceted issue that encompasses biological, social, and psychological dimensions. While it may be easy to label them as lazy, understanding the science behind their behavior can provide valuable insight into their lives. As parents, we might all benefit from embracing moments of rest and recognizing that downtime can be crucial for development at any age.
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