“Wait, so you were aware of the challenges? And you still chose to adopt?” I shifted uncomfortably as I faced my new acquaintance. “Well, wouldn’t you do the same if she were your daughter?” The woman stared, her mouth slightly agape.
Here comes the reaction, I thought. She inhaled deeply and proclaimed, just as countless others had over the past few months: “You and your partner are truly heroes!”
This conversation revolved around our adoption of Nadia, a vibrant 5-year-old from Armenia. Nadia was born with spina bifida, hydrocephalus, and congenital scoliosis, among other conditions that make her journey uniquely challenging. She requires round-the-clock medical attention and, due to her growth hormone deficiency, has remained the same size as her brothers did when they were just 15 months old.
My partner, Alex, and I are young, educated, and well-off, with numerous opportunities ahead of us. As a military family, we often find ourselves away from relatives, dealing with frequent relocations and Alex’s deployments that can last for weeks. We are active individuals, enjoying long-distance racing, and Alex even dreams of competing in extreme sports! However, the adoption process drained our finances and, despite already having three young children aged 3 to 8, we willingly embraced the challenges that came with Nadia.
When people hear our story, they often express disbelief or offer unwarranted praise, struggling to comprehend why we would choose this life. I should be accustomed to this reaction; my own parents received similar admiration when they adopted my siblings.
But the truth is, I am not comfortable with this narrative.
Let’s be clear: Alex and I are imperfect individuals. Like all parents, we argue about discipline, occasionally lose our tempers, and sometimes forget to secure necessary insurance referrals for Nadia’s specialist appointments. Our shortcomings are evident, and we had no prior experience with adoption or managing the complexities of spina bifida.
Moreover, we have faced moments of sheer terror throughout this journey. From the outset, we both felt a deep, undeniable connection to Nadia, as if she were always meant to be part of our family. Yet, this did not mean that the path was straightforward or devoid of fear.
The reality is that we are flawed, wonderfully human beings, just like everyone else. We took a leap of faith, moving forward despite our fears and uncertainties. We chose to embrace the unknown rather than retreating from it, knowing that the regrets of inaction would weigh heavier than any mistakes we might make along the way with Nadia.
When people label us as heroes, they inadvertently give themselves a pass; they tell themselves that only exceptional people can undertake such commitments. This mindset can prevent others from exploring their own potential, including the possibility of connecting with a child who could enrich their lives beyond measure.
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Summary
The author reflects on the misconceptions surrounding the decision to adopt a child with disabilities, emphasizing that all parents are human and flawed. Instead of being labeled as heroes, they advocate for recognizing that anyone can embrace the challenges of adoption and parenting, regardless of their perceived capabilities.
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