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Parenting
By Jenna Miller
Updated: Aug. 29, 2018
Originally Published: March 15, 2018
Scrolling through social media, I often come across parents beaming with pride over their children’s achievements. They share photos of report cards filled with A’s and glowing comments from teachers about their kids being hardworking, kind, and a pleasure to have in class. Many of these children receive awards for perfect attendance, academic excellence, and being outstanding students.
Meanwhile, my heart aches for my son, who is grappling with school challenges. Each week, he eagerly anticipates recognition that never comes, as his peers often garner more attention due to traits that align with the school’s perception of a model student. Despite putting in double the effort just to grasp concepts that come easily to others, my son doesn’t receive awards for his hard work. Staying focused or seated is a daily battle for him, yet he shows remarkable resilience and determination that often goes unnoticed.
Over the past six years in the education system, only one teacher has recognized my son’s brilliance during parent-teacher conferences. This teacher pointed out his unique perspective and depth of thought, leaving me in tears of gratitude. That teacher had a child with ADHD as well, which perhaps allowed her to see my son for who he truly is.
Research shows that by age 12, children with ADHD receive approximately 20,000 more negative messages than their peers. My son faces constant reminders of what he’s doing wrong, often getting reprimanded for behaviors he cannot control. While educators express their commitment to helping him succeed, the reality often translates to feelings of shame when he struggles to concentrate, be calm, or finish assignments. Instead of understanding his condition, they sometimes imply that he is choosing to act out, as if he has the ability to control it.
Children with ADHD don’t need to be fixed; they need understanding. It’s crucial for educators to recognize those students who may not fit neatly into conventional molds. I wish for more acknowledgment of their unique efforts, even if the results don’t mirror those of their peers. Awards should reflect the hard work of all students, not just those who excel in traditional ways.
For all the parents of these incredible, hardworking kids who simply learn differently: let’s remind them of our pride and not be swayed by school feedback that might make them feel inferior.
And to teachers and administrators: please take a moment to see our children. Look deeper, especially when they seem overshadowed by their classmates. Celebrate their individual strengths and appreciate their efforts, even if the outcomes are different. That’s all I ask.
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Summary:
Navigating the education system can be challenging for children with ADHD, who often receive more negative messages than their peers. It’s essential for parents and educators to recognize and celebrate the unique strengths and efforts of all students, especially those who struggle. Understanding and acknowledgment can make a significant difference in their experiences.
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