Last Thursday, I kicked off my morning by whipping up scrambled eggs, fruit, and toast for my two little ones. At ages 4 and nearly 2, it’s a quick breakfast I know they’ll enjoy. I don’t often serve cereal—not due to sugar concerns, but because my youngest would delight in dumping milk and Cheerios all over herself. I’d rather tackle a pan and a cutting board than deal with a cereal milk mess and an extra bath for her.
While my kids enjoyed their breakfast, I tidied up around the house, collecting dirty towels and swapping them for fresh ones. Then, I eagerly awaited a knock on my door.
You see, I recently penned an article about hiring a housekeeper, and Thursday marked her inaugural visit. Typically, Thursdays are my major cleaning days, given the bustling household of two adults, two kids, two cats, and a dog. But this Thursday was different—this wonderful woman came in and took care of the heavy cleaning for me. I ensured everything was picked up and organized, but the scrubbing, vacuuming, dusting, and mopping? Not my responsibility anymore. I handed over the reins.
She’ll be coming every two weeks, and I can already feel the relief. Now, even if my week has been chaotic or if I’m under the weather, I know I can start fresh every two weeks.
While our new housekeeper got to work, I took the opportunity to color with my son while we waited for my daughter to wake up from her nap. The following morning, I wasn’t worn out from trying to deep clean and manage my children. I felt relaxed, and it turned out to be one of the most enjoyable Friday mornings I’ve had in a while. We were gearing up for a family wedding that weekend, and rather than feeling frantic about a messy home, I spent the day packing. We actually left on time for our road trip, which is a rarity. Typically, I am a bundle of nerves before any trip, but not this time.
Change takes a while to assess, but it was clear from the start that hiring a housekeeper was the right choice for my family. The feedback on my article was mostly supportive. Many readers shared their own positive experiences with housekeepers, while others expressed a desire to hire one if finances allowed.
Yet, some individuals were offended by my choice, claiming I was privileged (which I acknowledge) or labeling me as lazy. Others questioned why I would pay someone to do work I could manage myself—classic “women’s work” mentality. What many of these critics have in common is a failure to understand a woman’s right to seek solutions to dissatisfaction in her life when she has the means to do so.
It’s disheartening how many people assume housework should fall solely on the parent who spends the most time at home. This notion, while outdated, persists, especially since it’s often mothers who stay home. We tend to equate housework with women’s roles, even though both parents share a living space and contribute to the mess. Even when both parents work, mothers frequently take on the bulk of household duties alongside their careers. I wish this wasn’t the case, but it often is.
Let’s set the record straight: if you’re staying home to care for your children, you are contributing significantly to your household. If you’re the one running errands, managing appointments, budgeting, cooking, and all the other tasks that come with running a home, your contributions are invaluable. The idea that staying home means someone must shoulder every responsibility except “bringing home the bacon” is archaic, and it’s time to move past that mindset.
As for the misconception that I’m somehow disrespecting or burdening my husband? He deserves far more credit than that. My husband doesn’t question what I do all day; he knows firsthand how much effort goes into caring for our children. He understands that hiring a housekeeper is a small price to pay for the time saved and the peace of mind it brings. More importantly, he respects me as an equal and trusts my decisions regarding how I choose to spend my time.
No, I won’t be checking off chores just to make someone else comfortable.
And if you think I’m taking the easy way out, let me share a glimpse of my “nothing.” Right now, I’m actively advocating for my autistic and gifted son within the school system, ensuring he receives the necessary academic accommodations. Just last night, I spent over four hours on calls with educational professionals to seek advice and arrange meetings. This morning, I’ve already spoken with lawyers, advocates, and therapists. I’ve been diligently reviewing and sending assessments and reports to get the support he needs. And yes, I also took a moment to snuggle him because sometimes, you just need to hold your child for a bit.
While I still have a long list of tasks to tackle regarding his education, I’m not here to dust the ceiling fans. When I hired a housekeeper, my children didn’t receive a “Get Out of Chores Free” card. They’re still expected to tidy their toys and help set the table. I want them to understand that being part of a household means contributing to its upkeep.
Even if I were to spend my days doing nothing and watching Netflix with my kids, why should that concern anyone outside my home? It seems some people believe all mothers should conform to an ideal of pristine homes and dinners ready when their partners arrive. They think women should embrace this lifestyle without complaint and, of course, “please their husbands.”
But I believe it would benefit everyone if strangers online refrained from suggesting that I owe sexual favors to my husband for hiring someone to clean my floors.
In summary, the choice to hire a housekeeper is a personal decision that should not invite judgment or criticism. Everyone has different circumstances and preferences, and it’s essential to respect those choices, particularly when they lead to a healthier, more balanced family life.
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