Yesterday, Lily experienced a public meltdown. This isn’t an unfamiliar scenario for us. Meltdowns often occur when emotions run high and there isn’t a way to express them. Typically, if we can swiftly remove her from the triggering environment, she calms down almost immediately.
However, yesterday’s situation presented a challenge: getting her out of a public venue noted for its acoustics while navigating two flights of stairs due to a broken escalator and crossing a sky bridge.
It was on that sky bridge where things took an unexpected turn. I had hoped that the fresh air would soothe her; she usually enjoys the view from there. Instead, she paused to cry even harder. At that moment, my partner, Tom, wrapped his arm around her waist to encourage her to keep moving, despite her continued wailing.
Suddenly, two security officers approached. “We heard a woman screaming on the sky bridge,” they stated.
This led us into a quick explanation: “Our daughter has special needs, she’s having a meltdown, we’re just trying to get her to the car—she’s not being kidnapped.” The guards quickly reassured us that they understood and offered their assistance. A mere two minutes later, we were in our car, and Lily was beginning to calm down. Just moments after leaving the parking area, she returned to her usual self.
What struck me during this incident was the guards’ initial assumption. They referred to Lily as a woman, and at 5 feet 3 inches, she is indeed taller than many children her age. This marks a new phase for us.
Society tends to be more accepting of children with disabilities, especially if they are well-dressed and present as inspirational figures. Conversely, there is less tolerance for adults with disabilities. My daughter is transitioning into adulthood with a disability, yet she often doesn’t exhibit visible signs of it. Just the other night, as I watched her return from the drink station at a local diner, I realized she appeared merely awkward, not like someone with a disability.
When I shared this experience on social media, friends suggested, “Could you get her an ID or an ID bracelet?” While that may be an option, it wouldn’t necessarily make her disability more apparent to the public. I could yell, “Don’t mind us! She has cognitive disabilities and sometimes struggles with transitions!” but honestly, I’m usually preoccupied with managing the situation.
Perhaps I could devise a way to signal that this is an atypical but not alarming scenario. Unfortunately, there isn’t a straightforward solution. The best approach I can think of is to engage in conversations that raise awareness, so more people can understand and respond appropriately when Lily faces challenges in public.
After all, retreating from society isn’t a viable option.
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Summary:
Managing public meltdowns as your special needs child matures into adulthood can be challenging. As societal perceptions shift, it’s essential to raise awareness and understanding about disabilities, especially as appearances can be deceiving. Finding effective communication methods in public spaces is crucial, and engaging in discussions about these experiences can foster greater acceptance.
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