As I prepare breakfast, I hear one of my toddlers wailing over his building blocks. Frustrated that he can’t create what he envisions, he begins to toss them in anger. He desperately wants to replicate the deer his father demonstrated just the night before, yet he remains stuck, unable to translate his thoughts into action. Time after time, he almost succeeds, but no success comes.
He knows how to ask for assistance, yet he refuses it. He yearns to tackle this challenge solo.
Too frequently, I find myself swooping in to save the day. Without a second thought, I jump in and construct that deer for him. What compels me to intervene so quickly? I must confess, there are moments when his relentless cries become unbearably loud, and I’m eager to silence them as swiftly as possible. Sometimes, my motivations stem from a lack of time to navigate a toddler meltdown over something as simple as Velcro shoes. Most often, though, it’s simply heartbreaking to watch him struggle.
It’s not just a matter of finding it annoying to see my child grappling with a task that seems trivial, like building a deer from blocks. It’s painful to witness his effort and frustration as he repeatedly fails despite his best attempts. It hurts to see him so eager for an outcome that his little hands cannot achieve, leaving him disappointed in himself.
I long to fix everything for him, to see him smiling rather than defeated. I can’t be the only parent who feels this way when witnessing their child’s struggle. We constantly encourage our children to believe they can achieve anything, but what happens when they can’t?
What if I keep rescuing him? What if I always intervene? What if I become his crutch, making him dependent on my help? What if I deny him the chance to learn independence and problem-solving skills?
This reflection may stem from a scenario involving a three-year-old and blocks, which may seem trivial, but it raises deeper questions. Looking back at various moments in my children’s lives, I realize I often rushed to their side when I didn’t need to. From the time they took their first steps, I hovered nearby, anxious about their potential falls. Did they fall? Certainly. But it wasn’t catastrophic. They learned to pick themselves up and eventually mastered walking and running.
In the near future, they will learn to ride bikes, and I will have to let go of the seat and allow them to ride independently. Will they fall? Likely. But they will get back on and try again. If I never release my grip, how will they ever learn?
My partner, Marcus, excels at this “hands-off” strategy. I admire his ability to resist the urge to rush to our children’s aid. He remains engaged and aware, just as I do, but he exercises greater self-control, allowing them the necessary space to overcome their current challenges.
Children must face difficulties. Beyond building resilience, they develop persistence, determination, and the ability to bounce back from setbacks. Overcoming challenges fosters self-confidence. They will undoubtedly encounter failures, but this isn’t inherently negative. Life will not always favor them, and they need to learn how to navigate disappointment and recover.
My goal is to equip my children with the tools they need to tackle their challenges and become strong, self-sufficient individuals. What if they step into the world lacking these essential skills? I hope they grow into successful, contributing members of society. However, there’s a risk of raising an adult who struggles to navigate life’s challenges, potentially relying on me indefinitely. Managing life is already complex; what if they lack the skills to address problems and obstacles?
My role is to teach, guide, and support—not to solve everything for them, no matter how painful it may be to watch them struggle. While these challenges may seem small now, perpetuating a cycle of overprotection will hinder their ability to develop problem-solving skills in the future. I must improve in providing them the opportunity to figure things out independently.
I won’t always be available to fix their issues, but I will always be there to offer support.
For more insights into parenting, check out this piece on home insemination and explore resources like the ACOG for comprehensive information on pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, while it is tough to watch our children struggle, allowing them to face challenges is crucial for their growth and independence. By stepping back, we foster resilience and problem-solving skills that will serve them throughout their lives.
Leave a Reply