My 7-year-old daughter has always found it difficult to remain still. Over the years, I’ve observed her classmates developing the ability to concentrate. Initially, they focused long enough to create drawings, then progressed to sitting at desks to absorb lessons. I watched them complete their schoolwork without tearing pages or leaving the table in tears, effortlessly following instructions from beginning to end. I kept hoping my daughter would eventually catch up.
At the age of five, our family dinners became a nightly struggle. I repeatedly asked her to sit in her chair, pleading for her to stay put. Yet, every time I glanced away, she was off again — twirling around the kitchen, attempting to feed her baby brother, or making her vegetables engage in conversations or race each other.
When she entered public kindergarten, what was once a minor inconvenience became a glaring issue. Getting ready for school tested our patience. I found myself repeatedly saying, “Please put on your socks,” “Brush your teeth,” and “Eat your breakfast.” Despite our efforts, she would disappear, either having a tea party, pulling out books, or creating a mess in the bathroom.
The daily skirmishes became so frequent they almost felt comical, but they were also incredibly demanding. If wine sales have surged since 2010, I was likely a contributing factor.
Her distractibility was evident each morning at school. The numerous distractions made it impossible for her to simply hang up her belongings and head to class. A friend strolling by, a stranger passing through, or even a mom wearing a purple hat could easily capture her attention. No matter how early we arrived, I often found myself as the last parent sitting in the hallway, gently redirecting her focus while taking deep breaths. In preschool, teachers assured me it was age-appropriate behavior. However, in kindergarten, that understanding was noticeably absent.
Before long, concerns beyond my own annoyance surfaced. At home, she would express frustration over being reprimanded for fidgeting or chewing her hair during class. During parent-teacher meetings, I was told she wasn’t meeting the educational standards, which seemed unreasonably high for a kindergartner. It hurt to watch my bright child, who had been loved and read to daily, struggle to meet certain benchmarks. On several occasions, I caught her gazing out the window during lessons, prompting me to excuse myself to the restroom to dry my tears before rejoining the meeting.
I used to feel anger towards her situation. Why was she unable to sit still when other children managed it? But gradually, I recognized that her lack of focus was not within her control. My daughter has ADHD, and remaining still long enough to finish a meal, put on her shoes, or color a picture was a significant challenge for her. While these difficulties presented obstacles in a traditional school setting, I realized I didn’t have to fight against them at home.
Though she struggles with focus in many areas, when she enters her imaginative realm, she becomes intensely engaged. At 7, she is passionate about dance. Watching her perform confidently on stage helped me understand her better. She rarely stops singing, dancing, or acting, and in those moments, she appears truly at home. She can put on elaborate performances for hours and is far more engaged when asked to act like an elephant than when asked to draw one.
Attention might not be her strong suit, but that’s perfectly fine. She possesses countless other remarkable talents. Once I stopped trying to fit her into a rigid mold and allowed her to break free, our lives became more manageable. Accepting her for who she is and guiding her to become the best version of herself has been transformative. As a family, we’ve chosen to embrace her uniqueness and view it as a blessing.
Instead of conveying that she was wrong, we opted for a different approach. After a year of homeschooling—where dancing and adventure-seeking were encouraged—she will soon attend a nontraditional school that allows for flexibility. In this new environment, sitting at a desk isn’t mandatory, and behaviors like hair chewing won’t be penalized. She is undoubtedly relieved that she won’t feel like she’s doing something wrong simply by being herself.
Parents don’t get to select their child’s strengths. However, they have the power to choose how they perceive them. I hope my spirited daughter continues to explore her energy and discover her true identity. Rather than battling against her nature, I aim to help her embrace it. The messiness of childhood is inevitable, and you can’t fix what isn’t broken.
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Summary
This article reflects on the challenges and triumphs of raising a child with ADHD. The author emphasizes acceptance, understanding, and the importance of nurturing a child’s unique abilities. Embracing their individuality can turn perceived challenges into blessings, allowing children to thrive in their own way.
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