Just the other morning, my son, Sam, tossed a question my way as we drove to school. “Do you think you’d care as much about racism if I was white?” he asked. I paused, caught off guard, but I knew he wanted an honest answer.
“No, I don’t think I would,” I replied after a moment. “I wish I could say otherwise, but being your mom has changed how I see the world. I care deeply about these issues now, and that wouldn’t be the case if our roles were reversed.”
That conversation has lingered in my mind. For the past seven years, I’ve devoted so much energy to figuring out how to support and raise a strong, proud Black son that I hardly ever thought about who I’d be if he were white.
As I follow the news and hear about the tragedies affecting our communities, I can’t help but picture Sam’s face. I see the hurtful comments and prejudiced looks people direct at us. Every time I enter a room, I scan for people of color, and I feel a knot in my stomach when I see only white faces. Decisions about schools, vacations, or even where to live are all filtered through a lens of diversity. None of this would be a concern if Sam were white.
But here’s the thing: I feel grateful. My experiences have opened my eyes to my own privilege. As a white woman navigating these realities, I find myself more empathetic and receptive to change. I’m more inclined to question norms and actively work toward making a difference. I wouldn’t have this perspective if my son were white.
However, this journey isn’t without its frustrations. I find myself infuriated by intolerance and impatient with those who refuse to see the truth. I often feel an overwhelming dissatisfaction with the slow progress we’re making as a society and a constant fear that never seems to fade.
I realize I wouldn’t feel this way if my son were white. So who would I be? I’ve tried to picture that person, but ultimately, it doesn’t matter. I’m exactly where I’m meant to be—as a mother to a Black son who is not afraid to talk about race and racism.
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In summary, being a mother to a Black son has transformed my worldview in ways I never anticipated. It has deepened my understanding of racism and privilege, fueling my determination to create a better future for him and others.
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