Adoption can be a rocky road, and for us, it started off feeling more like a nightmare than a fairy tale. In 2010, we welcomed our son, Leo, home from Ethiopia. I thought I was well-prepared—I had researched ethical adoption agencies, read stacks of books on international adoption, and attended classes on child behavior and development. My partner, Jake, and I even changed agencies when we discovered some questionable practices. Before finalizing the adoption, we made sure to meet Leo’s biological father in Ethiopia, thinking we had covered all bases.
But once we took custody, everything unraveled. Leo’s transition was filled with fear and confusion; it felt like he was fighting for his very life. There were countless sleepless nights, and I remember one morning, I just broke down, sobbing in the shower, feeling utterly lost about how we would get through each day. We reached out to seasoned adoptive parents and consulted therapists, but the diagnosis was the same: reactive attachment disorder, commonly known as RAD in the adoption community.
The prognosis for Leo’s future was grim. Many specialists suggested that he needed to be re-adopted or even placed in a mental health facility. He was only 4 years old! Thankfully, my amazing mom encouraged me to trust my instincts and fight for Leo. I’ll forever be grateful for her support. What he needed most was someone in his corner—a person who would love him unconditionally, no matter how long it took.
With the help of family, friends, and dedicated professionals, Leo slowly began to blossom into the incredible individual he always had the potential to be. As his English improved, he opened up about his biological mom, sharing details that made my heart sink. I couldn’t help but wonder if we’d missed something crucial. It was a wake-up call; Leo was fighting for something real—his past.
I had heard stories of families connecting with their biological roots, so I did some digging and found a private investigator who specialized in locating family members in Ethiopia. I reached out, providing the necessary details from Leo’s paperwork, and waited anxiously for updates. The uncertainty was daunting: if Leo’s mother was indeed alive, would we have to reverse the adoption? What would that mean for us?
Weeks went by, and then came the day an email arrived from the investigator. I opened it to find photos of Leo’s biological family, including a woman who looked like she could be a mother figure. When we showed the pictures to Leo, he immediately recognized his biological mom. Tears filled his eyes, and all I could do was hold him tightly.
In that moment, I realized how self-centered I had been. My fears faded away, and I understood that Leo needed to reconnect with his family, regardless of what it meant for our future together. His love for them was undeniable and something I would never deny him.
I kept in touch with the investigator, and we exchanged letters and photos with Leo’s family. This communication allowed Leo to ask the difficult questions that weighed heavily on his heart. The investigator worked tirelessly to facilitate these sensitive conversations, despite the challenges of language and distance. Thanks to his efforts, Leo got the answers he needed to heal.
In 2015, this investigator turned friend welcomed us into his home in Ethiopia and took us on a remarkable journey to meet Leo’s family. We drove for hours to reach their village, overcoming obstacles like switching to an off-road vehicle to navigate the mountain terrain. It was an adventure I’ll never forget, and it was worth every bit of effort.
The love Leo received upon returning to his village was something I had never witnessed before. Friends, family, and neighbors gathered, showering him with affection and prayers. The most touching moment was when Leo and his biological mother embraced for the first time in six years. Leo had many questions, including why they had made the difficult decision to place him for adoption. Their simple yet profound answer was that they wanted him to have a better life—one filled with opportunities beyond the poverty they had known. Most importantly, they loved him.
Leo left Ethiopia feeling a sense of belonging, not just to us but to two families. We agreed to maintain communication through letters and photos, and in the future, we hope to include phone calls and visits. Leo dreams of returning to Ethiopia with our whole family, so his adoptive siblings can play with his biological siblings. We are working hard to make that dream a reality.
Leo is an extraordinary, brave, and kind soul. His desire to share his story to help others humbles me deeply. If there’s one thing to take away from our experience, it’s that while adoption can be challenging, the fight is absolutely worth it!
For anyone exploring the journey of starting a family, you can find support in the Make a Mom group on Facebook or check out Make a Mom for at-home insemination solutions. They offer a fantastic how-to guide on the process, and their BabyMaker home intracervical insemination syringe kit is a great resource. For more information on pregnancy, visit WHO’s pregnancy resource page.
In summary, our journey through adoption has been filled with ups and downs, but ultimately it has led to a beautiful connection between our son and his biological family. The love and understanding that have blossomed from this experience are immeasurable.
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