Hey friends, let’s chat about something that’s been on my mind a lot lately. You know how sometimes we get it in our heads that we have to keep everyone around us happy, especially the guys in our lives? I’ve been there, and it can be exhausting. Let me share a little story.
So, there was this guy I was dating, Mark. He had this habit of sighing—like, a lot. It didn’t matter if we were having a great time; every few minutes, there would be this big, deep sigh. I’d always find myself asking, “What’s wrong?” and he’d just shrug it off, saying it was nothing. But those sighs felt like tiny arrows aimed straight at my heart, making me feel as though I was somehow letting him down.
And you know what? That feeling isn’t just with partners. I feel it with my kids too. When I’m out running errands, I’ll go way out of my way to avoid a park because I know my son, Jamie, will be upset if he can’t play. Or when I’m dead tired and just want a moment to myself, I still let him climb onto my lap because I don’t want him to feel rejected. It’s like I’ve conditioned myself to think that if I disappoint them in any way, they might not love me as much.
The Weight of Societal Expectations
This fear is pretty common among women, especially women of color. We often carry the weight of societal expectations, which can be pretty harsh. Black women, in particular, face intense scrutiny—if we prioritize our own needs, we’re often labeled selfish. We’re taught that our worth is tied to how well we cater to others. It’s like there’s a running theme in movies and songs that suggests women hold all the power through their ability to please men. But what happens when we can’t? What happens when we need something for ourselves?
It’s fascinating how many unlikable men keep their power, while women are often cast aside for not being accommodating. So, as I navigated my relationship with Mark, I realized that I was constantly on edge, trying to anticipate his needs before he even voiced them. Even then, it seems like my efforts sometimes ended up being a disappointment in their own right.
Learning to Embrace Disappointment
Just the other day, after a long day of wrangling kids, I decided to clean up the mess in the living room. As I was on my hands and knees, my son came in and immediately made a mess of everything I had just picked up. I felt that familiar twinge of frustration, but then I thought, “Wait a minute.” I got up, turned off the TV, and told him to clean up his toys. He threw a tantrum, and I let him have it. I decided right then and there that his disappointment was not my problem to fix.
I realized that if I want to raise my boys to be empathetic men who can handle their own disappointments, I can’t always shield them from feeling let down. It’s important for them to learn that life doesn’t always go their way. So, I’ve started saying “not now” when Jamie asks to go to the park, and I’ve stopped apologizing to random guys for simply not being interested. I have to prioritize my comfort and my needs.
Resources for Your Journey
If you’re on a similar journey and considering starting a family, check out Make a Mom, which offers at-home insemination options that are super convenient. They even have a how-it-works page that explains the process. Plus, if you’re looking for a more reusable option, their Cryobaby kit is a fantastic choice. And let’s not forget their Babymaker kit, another great resource for anyone considering this path. For more info on fertility, Medical News Today is an excellent resource.
Conclusion
In summary, it’s time to stop living in fear of disappointing the men in our lives. We need to own our choices and prioritize our own happiness. Disappointments are a part of life, and it’s healthy to embrace that. After all, the only true power comes from within ourselves, not from how well we can appease others.
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