We all experience those tough days as moms. You know the ones—the mornings that kick off at 5 a.m. and seem to drag on endlessly, even after we finally manage to get to bed. Days when the thought of fulfilling one more demand for food, changing another diaper, or being touched by anyone feels utterly unbearable.
These days can drain us both physically and mentally, weighing down on us like a heavy fog. It can feel like the weight of everyone’s happiness rests solely on our shoulders. It’s a dark and lonely place, often tinged with frustration and fear. But guess what? It’s completely normal. We’ve all been there.
On these gloomy days, we each have our own needs, but one thing we definitely don’t want to hear is a list of ways to “snap out of it” or reminders about how “blessed” we are. Telling us we’re not alone feels hollow when we’re surrounded by chaos—like when our kids are battling over a tiny red truck, their shrieks piercing our ears like tiny needles.
Don’t say “this too shall pass,” because right now, we’re in the thick of it—arguing with a child who flat out refuses to do their homework, despite our coaxing and bribing. The anger rises in us, and we’re spooked at how we sound, like the parent we never wanted to be.
And please, don’t tell us to “enjoy every moment.” It’s hard to enjoy anything when we’re feeling overwhelmed—our hair a greasy mess and following a toddler who insists on munching rice straight from the takeout container, leaving a sticky trail behind. Don’t even try to comfort us with “a messy house is a normal house.” For some of us, that clutter triggers anxiety and frustration.
The dark days don’t hit us every day, and we’re thankful for that. But when they do, we don’t want advice. We don’t need sugar-coated words to mask our pain. The struggle is real, and when we’re enveloped in that dark cloud, what we crave is understanding. We want someone to say, “I get it. I’ve been there too.” We want to sit in our feelings for a moment, acknowledge how tough things are, and then hopefully move forward.
As moms, we guide our children to express their feelings, helping them understand that it’s okay to feel big emotions. We encourage them to name those feelings, process them, and let them go. We need this too. Often, we’re the ones who bottle it up, putting our own feelings on the back burner for another day—except that day never comes.
We can’t keep our feelings bottled up; it’s not healthy. Even the most painful emotions deserve to be heard. Most of us love our kids fiercely and recognize how fortunate we are to have them in our lives. But on those dark days, we need to be honest with ourselves and with others. Speaking our truth shouldn’t make us feel ungrateful or whiny.
What we really need is for others to listen—truly listen—without judgment or an agenda. We need to hear, “Yeah, some days motherhood is tough. And yes, sometimes you do feel completely alone.” We don’t need to be reminded that we’ll miss these years when they’re gone; we know that already.
The dark days will pass, and we know that. But in those moments, we need a space to feel the weight of our emotions without pretending it’s all sunshine and rainbows. It’s cathartic, and it helps us transition from darkness to light.
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In summary, on those tough days of motherhood, what we truly need is empathy and understanding, not a list of platitudes. We want to sit in our feelings, knowing we’re not alone in our struggles, and acknowledge that while motherhood is a beautiful journey, it can also be incredibly challenging.
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