You know, my therapist just told me that even today’s working moms are spending more time with their kids than stay-at-home moms did back in the 1950s. Honestly, I could really use a little of that old-school parenting vibe. I fantasize about being one of those moms who lounge on the porch sipping cocktails while the kids play freely in the neighborhood until dinner time. Instead, I find myself glued to my phone, racing to keep up with a mountain of kid-related emails, all while trying to sneak in “quality time” with whichever child I’m currently dropping off.
How did we go from that laid-back lifestyle to this frantic one? Those 1950s moms wouldn’t last a single afternoon in today’s parenting world.
Fast forward to 2023, and here I am—just your average mom on the brink of losing it. With four kids split among three schools in bustling New York City, I find myself working full-time just to stay afloat. Some of this chaos is self-inflicted. I mean, why did I sign them up for soccer, gymnastics, and a nature class when it makes my life so stressful? But how could I not? My kids would miss out on valuable experiences! AHHH!
Never mind that during unstructured time at home, they’re almost never bored. Just the other day, my little ones spent an entire hour laughing hysterically while pulling each other around on a broom. Who needs fancy toys when you have a “laundry claw”?
My inbox? A total disaster. Every class has curriculum nights, cocktail parties, coffee catch-ups, and parent-teacher conferences. Every single event seems crucial, with deadlines that make me feel like I’m walking a tightrope. I now have an iCal reminder for when Eli the stuffed elephant comes home with us. Can you believe those 1950s moms didn’t have email?
And it’s not just the schools. Every activity now requires orientations, and there’s always a “dress code.” “This week, wear blue shorts and a red T-shirt!” I mean, seriously? Not to mention the class trips, picture days, and PTA meetings that clutter my calendar to the point where I can barely see what’s underneath.
Somehow, I can’t even squeeze in my own appointments, like finally visiting the dentist for that tooth that’s been sending electric shocks every time I eat. And eating? With the stress of constant parenting, the only time I get a moment of peace is after 9:30 p.m., right up until my youngest starts coming in for water or my daughter sneaks in for some cuddles. Instead of bonding with my husband or tackling the mountain of digital photos I need to sort, I usually find myself raiding the pantry—my current guilty pleasure? Vanilla animal crackers, paired with a shot of tequila.
Speaking of drinks, I’ve become so reliant on my evening glass of wine that I once postponed taking an antibiotic for almost two weeks just to keep enjoying it. I used to love working out, but now my exercise routine consists of simply shuffling the kids around to their practices. A mere 30 minutes on the elliptical could do wonders for my mood, but it always turns into a juggling act with school calls and appointment confirmations.
I’m exhausted. I’m throwing in the towel—yes, the one with my daughter’s name tag stuck on it. I can’t remember which day the Kids in Sports T-shirt is due or which birthday gifts I’m supposed to buy. My evenings are a whirlwind of reading bedtime stories, attending class cocktail parties, and helping with math homework. I don’t even have time to shave my legs! And let’s not talk about manicures; I’m lucky if I get one a year. I may look put together, but inside, I’m a hot mess.
Over the past four years, there’s only been one night where no kids woke me up. And on my parenting days, I also juggle custody schedules and interactions with my ex. Just the other morning, while I was trying to check emails and respond to playdate requests, my husband tried to get cozy. Seriously? I’m in full-on mom mode here!
Between the endless nighttime interruptions and the sheer chaos of modern parenting, I wonder how relationships survive this madness. Yes, I’m fortunate that my husband and I have quality time every other weekend when my ex has the kids, but it’s a challenging balance. Having kids today—especially in a big city—can feel like a recipe for marital strife and mental breakdown.
So what can we cut out? Maybe we could collaborate more, like, “Hey, you go to curriculum night, and I’ll handle the parent-teacher conferences.” Or perhaps we should ask schools to dial back their endless communications. Maybe I should just skip it all and chat with my friends over the phone, 1950s style, while the kids zone out in front of the TV. Honestly, I barely get to talk to anyone outside the school drop-off crew, but thank goodness for those moms. Venting with them helps me get through the day.
Here’s the bottom line: I had all these kids because I genuinely love them, and I want to be present for the fun parts—snuggling, laughing, and playing. I didn’t sign up for the stay-at-home-life to turn it into a management gig. I want to enjoy those moments, not just manage schedules and carpool logistics.
I think it’s time for a movement to reclaim our right to sanity as parents. We deserve to play with our kids without being buried in school reminders and newsletters. Parenting shouldn’t feel like a full-time job filled with spreadsheets and logistics. We need a break to be the loving, present caregivers we long to be, not just stressed-out executives at home.
Just yesterday, I got an email from school asking for empty toilet paper rolls. Nope! I’m done! I’m taking my kids to the local bookstore for some reading and coloring time, just to be with them. If that makes me a bad class mom, then so be it.
Summary
Parenting today can feel overwhelming, with endless emails, school events, and extracurricular activities. The author longs for simpler times when parenting was less about logistics and more about enjoying moments with kids. A movement is needed to reclaim the joy of being a parent without the stress of managing every detail of their lives.
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