I’m a recovering alcoholic, and I want to share what I learned after reaching my lowest point. It might sound cliché, but giving up isn’t an option anymore. A single misstep or moment of self-pity could strip away everything that holds meaning in my life. Sure, my situation might look grim from the outside: I’m living paycheck to paycheck in a cramped condo with my three kids, often unsure of how I’ll manage gas for my car or food on the table. My credit score? A dismal 450. I’m divorced and sometimes rely on my 70-year-old mom for a bit of financial support or help with chores. At 39, I’m just starting my first career. Every day is a struggle, but I’m filled with gratitude.
Hitting Rock Bottom
No one wants to hit rock bottom like I did. My story is a tough one; I was the classic alcoholic mom. In my darkest moments, I was a low-bottom drunk, downing vodka straight from the bottle just to ease the shakes and nausea. I hit the lowest low when I blacked out after leaving work one morning. My visits with my kids were court-ordered. They still loved me, despite everything. I could never understand why, but they held on to hope. They saw past the drunken facade and sensed the real me hiding beneath.
I was a promise-breaker and a source of disappointment. I missed birthdays and often passed out in front of my children. I thought I could drink just enough to avoid getting drunk, but that’s the cruel lie of alcoholism. It consumes you—mind, body, and soul—and drags down everyone around you. I was lost in a toxic dance with the bottle, believing every lie it fed me.
The Turning Point
For a long time, alcohol was everything to me. It was my confidant, my escape, and my crutch. I wanted to quit drinking, yet I craved it more than ever. As my drinking spiraled, I felt the end approaching. I didn’t realize it then, but I was becoming terrified of myself. Every trip to the liquor store left me thinking, “Tonight’s going to be a disaster.” I’d wake up the next day, assessing the wreckage of my life. This was the turning point. The disease was weakening, and I was finally seeing through its lies.
The last night I drank, I bought a gallon of vodka, knowing I would consume it all. It terrified me; I was ready to surrender. On February 3, 2014, I realized I didn’t want to die. I didn’t want to lose my oldest daughter forever. I could see it in her eyes—she was starting to pull away. That morning, for the first time, I believed there might be a better way to live.
Embracing Sobriety
I went through detox and spent six months in rehab far from my kids, diving into intensive therapy and attending AA meetings. Slowly, I began to like myself again. I learned how to do everything sober: I danced, laughed, cried, and felt the emotions I had long buried. I embraced this new life and promised myself to stay sober—just for today.
I’ve caused pain to my loved ones, and while I can’t take that back, I’m determined not to hurt them anymore. My kids waited for me, and I’m committed to making that wait worthwhile. Today, I don’t care about my bank balance or credit score. What matters is that I’m sober, and that’s my true success story. I’ve found acceptance, self-awareness, and gratitude—even for my darkest days, which shaped who I am now.
A Flicker of Hope
A flicker of hope on a dismal Monday morning changed my life forever. With the support of Alcoholics Anonymous, my growing self-love, and my family’s unwavering encouragement, I’ve celebrated 1,347 sober days—one moment at a time. I’ve never felt happier.
Resources for Support
If you or someone you know is grappling with substance use issues, know that help is out there. You can find support through various resources, including Make A Mom, which offers at-home insemination options, or check out their guide on how it works. For those considering pregnancy, WHO has valuable information, and if you’re searching for insemination kits, be sure to look at the Cryobaby home intracervical insemination syringe kit combo for a reliable option.
Conclusion
In summary, my journey through addiction taught me resilience, gratitude, and the importance of self-love. It’s never too late to change your life, and there’s always hope waiting just around the corner.
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