Here we are. You’re on the brink of manhood, trying to shake off the kid you used to be (and my hugs every time I reach for you), while I’m here, watching you closely—perhaps too closely.
This transition is tough for me. Honestly, it’s probably harder on me than it is on you. I know it’s natural for you to slowly push me out of your life. I expected it, but the pain of it caught me off guard. I miss the way we used to be.
This phase of motherhood has been the most intense so far. It’s nothing like the first night I brought you home, desperately trying to soothe you. Your toddler tantrums were nothing compared to the whirlwind of emotions that come with raising a teenager.
Maybe I shouldn’t tell you how much I long for the days when you would dash around the house without a care in the world, or how excited you used to get over spotting a frog. I know I shouldn’t remind you of how you used to hold my hand and look at me like I was the center of your universe. But I can’t help it; a part of me wishes I could bring back a piece of that little boy.
I’m trying—really trying—to be a good mom as you navigate your teenage years and learn to breathe on your own. I get that if I smother you, our relationship could fade away. Yet, I worry that if I don’t speak up enough, I might lose you in other ways. It’s a delicate balance between your need for independence and my desire to guide you. Some days, I feel like I’m failing miserably.
I’m doing my best to keep my emotions in check while helping you tie your tie, watching you hold hands with a girl from a distance, or seeing you pour your heart into something only to feel like it’s not enough. I’m learning to let you stumble without rushing to your rescue. I made you, but you’re your own person now, and that’s a lot to take in.
Watching you grow and fall in love, hearing you mutter “me too” after I say I love you, it cuts a little deeper each time. Your eye rolls and back-talk can drive me up the wall, and I often want to scream, lock you up, and tell you to slow down.
I want nothing but the best for you, and I really miss being able to do things for you, but I know I must let go. You need to carve out your own path and discover who you want to be without compromising my values. I know you think I’m overprotective and strict, and you’re right—I am. I’m not your friend; I’m your mom. I’ll be strict until you’re ready to navigate life on your own, because the moment I let you set your own rules, we both lose—and that’s not happening.
You’re getting older, and I believe in you. I can’t be there all the time, and I won’t always know what you’re up to (as much as I try). That’s the hard truth I have to accept.
But I’ll always be here for you, even if I can’t physically be by your side. You’ll have to pick yourself up when you fall, and I won’t be able to fix every mistake. You’ll need to own them, and that might look different to you than it does to me. I’ll need you to remind me that it’s okay to see things your way, more than once.
I’m sorry you have to go through this with me for the first time. I wish I knew more and could do better. I’ll stumble, but I’ll never apologize for loving you as fiercely as I do.
Just promise me you’ll make your life count. Be kind, live fully, and know that while I’ll try my best to let you find your own way, it won’t be easy for either of us.
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Summary: This heartfelt letter reflects on the bittersweet journey of parenting a teenager, balancing the desire to guide them while respecting their independence. It emphasizes the importance of love, support, and letting go as they navigate their own path. It also provides helpful links related to starting a family and understanding at-home insemination.
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