It’s been a year since my mom lost her fight with leukemia, and it still feels unreal that I only had 35 years with her. I remember the day we had to cancel a weekend getaway to help my dad reach out to family and bring her home for hospice care. We promised her we’d support my dad during her final days, and all of us kids spent that last week together on the farm she cherished.
The past year has been challenging, but it’s also been a time of growth and discovery. Here are a few important insights I’ve gained through this journey:
1. I Have More Options Than I Realized
I’ve always been someone who sets goals and feels anxious when I’m not progressing toward them. However, as my grief began to ease, I realized that I was too focused on work and not enough on my happiness. I felt trapped in my job, stressed and unfulfilled. I feared that leaving would limit my options, but it turned out that embracing change opened up a world of new opportunities. I found a fresh path that allowed me to explore experiences I never thought possible. It’s all about recognizing the choices available to us.
2. Complexity Is Beautiful, But It Can Obscure Simplicity
As a writer, I love delving into complex ideas and emotions, but I discovered that sometimes this complexity can mask simple desires. I craved better sleep, improved health, and more meaningful experiences. When I examined why I wasn’t achieving these things, I found that I had created unnecessary excuses. By stripping away the complexity, I uncovered straightforward solutions that made a real difference in my life.
3. Grief Occupies Space in Our Lives
Grief has a way of reshaping our perspective on loved ones, revealing new sides of family and friends that we hadn’t seen before. It left me feeling vulnerable, crying while driving or hearing kind words of sympathy. In the beginning, I didn’t want to do anything; I felt impatient and irritable. Now, I view my grief as a box that I can acknowledge or step away from. It’s part of me, just like my mom will always be, and I’m learning to allow other parts of myself to flourish alongside it.
4. Life Is a Gift, So Treat It as Such
It may sound cliché, but life truly is a gift. Before my mom passed, I would’ve said I believed that, but now it’s an undeniable truth I embrace every day.
5. My Mom’s Legacy Is So Much Bigger Than Our Relationship
Much of who I am stems from my mom, from the way I express myself to my passion for creativity. Yet, as I’ve witnessed her impact through the grief of my dad, my sister, and others, I’ve come to appreciate the many roles she played in the lives of those around her. It’s been eye-opening to hear stories from her friends and neighbors, and I cherish the chance to know her through their memories. My mom lived a full life, and I love sharing it all, even the parts I didn’t experience with her.
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In summary, my mom’s passing has been a profound experience that has shaped my understanding of life, grief, and connection. I’ve learned to appreciate the simplicity that often hides behind complexity and to recognize the importance of choices. Life is a gift, and I’m committed to treating it that way, cherishing not only my memories of my mom but also the legacy she left behind.
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