Years ago, when my oldest son turned 13, I finally caved and got him a cell phone. Back then, smartphones were still in their infancy, and his device was a basic flip phone. The decision was prompted by a nail-biting day when he got stuck alone on a golf course during a lightning storm. That old flip phone served its purpose well, despite being misplaced several times; its simplicity made it almost worry-free. Plus, he was only texting us—his parents—so I never felt anxious about him having it.
Fast forward to today, and the cell phone has transformed into a mini-computer packed with apps and distractions. Kids aren’t just using phones to call home after soccer practice anymore; they’re relying on them for nearly every aspect of their lives.
Take a look at the lyrics in Apple’s recent iPhone X commercial:
“I think that I’ll keep loving you, way past sixty-five
We made a language for us two, we don’t need to describe
Every time you call on me, I drop what I do
You are my best friend and we’ve got some sh*t to shoot.”
That’s right! The shiny new $1,000 phone is not just a communication tool; it’s marketed as your child’s best friend.
When my second son turned 15 and began driving, he received an iPhone. By then, flip phones were nearly extinct, and adding him to my plan was a practical decision. The benefits of having access to safe driving apps and the ability to complete school assignments on his phone made it an easy choice. I was confident that by the time he got his license, he had developed enough maturity and social media savvy to avoid common pitfalls like sexting and cyberbullying. He’s now 18 and, thankfully, has navigated the treacherous waters of teenage smartphone usage.
With my youngest son, I’ve decided to wait until he’s 16 for a smartphone. He just turned 14 and has been begging for one for three years, citing countless reasons that remain vague. This reveals the heart of my decision: he may not genuinely need a smartphone.
I acknowledge that I may be in the minority—he insists he’s the only eighth grader without one (and my fifth grader feels the same way). Despite countless “no’s,” he still asks. I’ve allowed him to use my phone at home to check in on his social media, keeping an eye on who he interacts with. Yet, the craving for more privacy is evident, and he believes he can handle the responsibilities that come with a smartphone. But can he really?
Moreover, is it healthy for kids as young as 10, 12, or 14 to be glued to their screens? I don’t think so. And I’m not alone in this belief. Recently, several investors in Apple raised alarms about youth smartphone addiction, urging the company to create better parental controls and to examine the impact of excessive phone use on mental health. Their letter highlights alarming statistics and studies about this emerging public health crisis, emphasizing that the growing reliance on smartphones among children is akin to a drug epidemic.
My 14-year-old can keep on asking for that phone—my answer will remain “no.” It may make me unpopular, but he will have to spend his time engaging in traditional 14-year-old activities like playing outside, fishing, or reading. These simple joys can foster genuine happiness, free from the pressure of likes, notifications, and social feeds.
Remember when kids could find joy in the real world? I do, and I believe it’s time to bring that back.
For those interested in exploring additional topics related to parenting and fertility, check out this post on at-home insemination kits. Also, if you’re looking for ways to improve male fertility, this fertility booster for men is a great resource. For further information on pregnancy and home insemination, I recommend this excellent resource from the Cleveland Clinic: IVF and Fertility Preservation.
Summary
In today’s world, it’s easy for parents to feel pressured to give their middle schoolers smartphones. However, the author believes waiting until children are older and more responsible is the better choice. With the rising concerns about smartphone addiction and its impact on mental health, it’s essential to consider the benefits of encouraging activities outside of screens.
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