Parenting
By Jamie Collins
Updated: Dec. 4, 2018
Originally Published: Feb. 7, 2018
At 3 a.m., most people are blissfully asleep, including me, until my partner, Jake, shook me awake. “What is this?” he exclaimed, thrusting my phone in front of me. Disoriented, I groaned, “What are you talking about?” This moment marked the start of an incredibly awkward thirteen hours.
Jake had stumbled upon a hookup site in my phone’s browser history, and he was not pleased. We have clear boundaries about our personal online behavior, and discovering this transgression was a serious issue. I was facing his outrage, yet I hadn’t even visited the site in question.
To clarify, Jake wasn’t snooping; he was searching for a lost link. He often uses my phone because it has a larger screen. But the real question was: why was this site in my browser history?
After thorough investigation through various devices in our house, we realized it wasn’t just my phone—it was the synced browser history, meaning it could have originated from any device. That’s when things took a bizarre turn.
I reopened the website and zoomed in on a profile picture. It didn’t show a face, just a photo of male genitals, allegedly taken in our guest bathroom. This was definitely not Jake.
By now, I’m sure you’re following along. At nearly 4 a.m. on an ordinary Tuesday, I found myself standing in my living room, staring at a picture of my teenage son’s private parts on the Internet.
The profile lacked a real name but included a username, a location (which thankfully wasn’t our town), and an age listed as 18. My son is NOT 18; he’s 17—a minor—with explicit images floating around online, likely more than one, and messages from those interested in seeing him in person.
I was in shock. After confirming that neither of us was seeking outside gratification, we agreed to postpone the conversation until the next evening. But let me clarify: “we” meant “me,” because Jake was not about to engage in that discussion.
That night, sleep eluded me. I couldn’t stop thinking about what I had seen, how to approach the conversation, and how I wished I could erase the image from my mind. I had previously discussed topics like pornography with my son, but this was entirely different and hadn’t crossed my mind until that moment.
The next day dragged on, filled with anxiety and a sense of dread about the impending conversation. When my kids finally returned from school, I sent my youngest to his room and sat down with my son for a serious talk. I let him have a moment to lie about being bored, then we got down to the real issues—underage nudity, safe sex, the dangers of online interactions, and, of course, the consequences of his WiFi privileges.
It was an uncomfortable but necessary discussion. He’s a good kid who sometimes makes poor choices, but soon he’ll be 18 and ready to face the world on his own. My responsibility is to prepare him for that independence, even if no manual covers these kinds of situations.
And yes, I’m still haunted by that image.
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Summary:
This article recounts the experience of a mother discovering her teenage son’s explicit photo on a hookup site, leading to an awkward yet necessary conversation about online safety and personal choices. The story highlights the challenges of parenting and the unexpected situations that arise as children approach adulthood.
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