Oh, how wonderful it is to hear from you! Can you believe how long it’s been? Ten years? Fifteen? It feels like just yesterday we were getting ready for a night out, sharing that tiny bathroom mirror and perfecting our smoky eyeliner for some college party.
Remember that time we tried to squeeze into a stall together and ended up stuck? Crawling out from under the door while your ex’s new girlfriend watched? Classic moments like those bring back so many laughs!
So, How Are Things?
So, tell me, how are things? Good? Kids really do grow up fast, don’t they? We just managed to ditch those ridiculously expensive diapers this year, so I guess it’s finally time to tackle our student loans, right? Ha!
Oh, you’ve discovered a path to financial freedom and want to share this amazing opportunity with me? You’ve found a life-changing company and product, and since we’re already chatting, you’re excited to fill me in?
Hold on just a second—I need to pause you there.
I truly appreciate you reaching out, and I’m delighted to catch up. However, I must be clear: there’s absolutely nothing that could persuade me to join you on this MLM “adventure.”
It doesn’t matter if you’re selling leggings that promise to make my thighs feel like they’re wrapped in clouds or energy shakes that will help me sprint through a marathon in record time. And although I do enjoy surprises, I’m not quite ready to watch a live oyster opening on Facebook, so I think that covers it, right?
Let’s Keep in Touch
But wait! Don’t leave just yet! It’s been far too long since we last spoke, and I harbor no ill feelings for you reaching out. I’m genuinely thrilled that you’ve found something that lights you up. I may have come off as a bit harsh regarding the MLM, but trust me—it’s not you.
It’s entirely me.
I simply can’t endorse the business model you’re involved with. If I’m being honest, it sounds like you’ve fallen for a scheme that’s ensnaring yet another person I care about, and that frustrates me. It’s not that I don’t want to support you; believe me, if I could pay you to walk away from this, I would.
However, I suspect you’re already invested. You were likely swept away by a party or a friend’s pitch, caught up in all the buzzwords about “finding your why” and becoming a “mompreneur.” You probably thought this was your big break, didn’t you?
Well, here’s the awkward truth: it probably sounded too good to be true because it was.
Regardless of the company, if you’re reaching out to sell me something on Facebook, I can reasonably assume it’s an MLM. The statistics are daunting; according to the FTC, a staggering 99% of people who join MLMs end up losing money. That’s hard data.
You’re undoubtedly a fantastic person (after all, we’re friends for a reason), but let’s face it—those numbers are dismal. Even if you think you’re the exceptional 1% who’ll turn a profit (we’re talking just a dollar or two), do you truly want to recruit 100 friends with those odds?
Oh, you do? Well, I guess this is where we take a break for a bit. We have such great memories, and if your business doesn’t pan out (which statistically, it likely won’t), I hope you’ll reach out again soon. Your kids are adorable, and you’re an amazing person.
I’d love to keep in touch, just as long as it doesn’t involve trying out a three-pack of those skinny wraps for a bargain price of $15.99.
Additional Resources
If you’re interested in learning more about home insemination, you might find valuable insights at Make A Mom. They have excellent resources, including information on pregnancy that could come in handy. And for those curious about at-home kits, check out this 21-piece kit.
In summary, I cherish our friendship and hope we can remain connected without MLM discussions.
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