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By Jessica Collins
Updated: Jan. 16, 2021
Originally Published: Feb. 11, 2018
In the aftermath of my divorce, I was initially filled with hope and excitement about the prospect of dating again. As a natural romantic, I envisioned finding a new partner, possibly remarrying, and seamlessly blending our families into one happy unit. However, reality turned out to be quite different. Seven years later, I find myself single, uninterested in dating, and quite content with my little family of four — myself, Clara, Max, and our dog, Buddy.
I cherish our life together. I adore the beautiful chaos of our home, where toys are scattered, and laughter is frequent. I love our little rituals, the playful bickering, and the spontaneous science experiments that we create with whatever we can find in the kitchen. We’ve built our own traditions, and I want to savor this chapter of my life, relishing each moment.
I did enter into a relationship for a while, but introducing my boyfriend to my children was a challenging experience. My eldest, Clara, struggled with the idea of someone new in our lives, feeling as though she was betraying her father. It pained me to see her uncomfortable, expressing her desire for my happiness but also her unwillingness to accept this man as part of our family. “He feels like a stranger, Mom. Why does he have to be around during the holidays?” she asked, and it broke my heart.
I empathized with my boyfriend, who tried tirelessly to win over my children’s affection but faced resistance. He brought gifts and suggested weekend getaways, yet I could not fully commit. He believed, with time and patience, we could all become a family. But I was torn; I loved both him and my daughter, and deep down, I felt compelled to choose Clara.
I pretended to be like other moms who blended their families effortlessly, imagining that they simply told their kids to “deal with it.” But the truth was, I wasn’t ready for that challenge. I rushed into this ideal of a blended family, ignoring my instincts that urged me to slow down. Eventually, I realized I didn’t want to blend right now; I craved the space to discover who I was post-divorce.
Being a single mom has become a journey of self-discovery. I cherish the quiet moments with my kids, the snuggles during movie nights, and the adventures we share. We still celebrate special occasions with their dad, and I relish every moment spent with my little family unit.
As Valentine’s Day approaches, I admit that I do yearn for flowers, chocolates, and perhaps a romantic dinner. I would like a boyfriend too, but the thought of blending my family feels overwhelming. I’ve taken years to redefine myself as a confident single mother, and I want to continue enjoying this phase of my life. I trust that when the time is right, the right person will come along, and it will feel natural. Until then, I’ll revel in the simple joys of being just me with my kids.
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