My approach to parenting was shaped by my own experiences growing up. I faced challenges during my childhood, especially on days when my mother was absent due to her struggles with addiction. As a result, I became determined to break the cycle of dependency and abuse. My husband and I spent three years trying to conceive, which gave us time to envision the kind of environment we wanted for our future child. As an atheist, he encouraged me to frame discussions around faith and beliefs in a way that wouldn’t foster cynicism. We shared similar views on confidence, mindset, and relationships, enabling us to remain aligned even after our marriage ended, ensuring we could effectively co-parent.
From the moment we decided to start a family, I viewed myself as my child’s guide. My mission was to equip her with the tools to think critically and trust her own judgment instead of merely accepting what she hears from parents or society. Upon discovering we were having a girl, I declared that she would embrace feminism and would not be receiving stereotypical gifts like dolls or toy kitchens. However, I quickly learned that children have their own preferences, and my daughter, Mia, had her sights set on Disney Princesses.
One day, Mia asked me how I became such a great mom. I explained my technique of “the pause.” Before responding to her questions or concerns, I take a moment to envision how my response will impact her future. I aim to nurture her into a strong individual rather than simply appeasing her in the moment. This pause allows us to have meaningful conversations and learning opportunities.
Mia has come to recognize and respect my pause, knowing it signifies thoughtfulness. In turn, she takes her time to consider her own decisions. I’ve modeled critical thinking for her, encouraging her to navigate her own choices alongside me.
Mia is also skilled at expressing her boundaries, something I struggled with in my childhood. She once told me, “Mom, I feel really embarrassed when you call me by my nickname in front of my friends at school. Can you only do that when it’s just us?” I appreciated her honesty and respected her request, reinforcing my role as a trustworthy figure in her life. I aspire to be her first call when she faces challenges.
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In summary, my journey to raise a critical thinker has been deeply influenced by my past. Through thoughtful engagement and respect for her boundaries, I aim to empower my daughter to trust herself and navigate her own path confidently.
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