It’s official! My three-and-a-half-year-old, Leo, has finally mastered potty training! Cue the confetti! Where’s that DJ cat? Oh, there he is—thanks for the tunes!
This is a monumental victory for both Leo and me. At one point, I was convinced he might be heading to high school still wearing Pull-Ups. So, as promised, here’s how to tackle potty training in 36 challenging and often frustrating steps.
- Assume potty training will be a breeze and set your expectations way too high.
- Lower those expectations. Nope, a bit lower… and lower still. That’s closer to reality.
- Purchase a $45 superhero-themed potty from an online store that plays a catchy tune when you flush.
- Position the fancy potty in the bathroom, where it will soon become mere decor.
- Discover that your child prefers to keep soiling himself rather than use the fancy potty.
- Endure the catchy tune playing on repeat as your child keeps pulling the lever while still in his Pull-Up.
- Ask your child if he would like to try the potty, only to witness a dramatic meltdown that rivals a horror movie.
- Buy superhero-themed underwear to spark some interest.
- Dress your enthusiastic child in the new underwear, only for him to continue soiling himself.
- Switch to Pull-Ups out of sheer frustration.
- Tempt your child with candy rewards for using the potty.
- Hand over a mountain of candy in one day as your child learns how to game the system.
- Realize your child is still peeing in his Pull-Up and decide to take a break until he’s truly “ready.”
- Change a diaper containing a mess that feels like it could have been an arm’s length, prompting you to give potty training another shot.
- In a shocking turn of events, watch your child poop in the backyard like a puppy, realizing he knows exactly what he’s doing.
- Spend an entire weekend allowing him to run around naked to encourage potty use.
- Feel triumphant when he finally uses the potty, rewarding him with Play-Doh.
- Spend the following week scrubbing Play-Doh out of the carpet in the playroom.
- Observe your naked child peeing in one of your favorite shoes.
- Breathe a sigh of relief when the weekend ends and you can reclaim your sanity.
- Continue the naked approach whenever you’re home, and find it actually works!
- Attempt to persuade the babysitter to let him stay naked, but receive a firm rejection.
- Decide it’s time to reintroduce big boy underwear.
- Convince him that even superheroes wear big boy underwear—Batman wears his over his clothes!
- Spend the next three weeks in the bathroom, holding an iPad and playing the same annoying song while he tries to go.
- Celebrate a few successful potty moments.
- Clean up pee from the floor roughly seventeen times.
- Retrieve his favorite action figure from the potty after a successful bathroom visit.
- Discard seven pairs of big boy underwear that are beyond salvaging.
- Wake up multiple times in the night due to accidents.
- Finally realize he’s starting to get the hang of it.
- Celebrate his progress and let him know you’re proud of his hard work.
- Discover he’s 99% potty trained after what feels like a year.
- Hide the unused $45 potty in the basement for a potential younger sibling.
- Almost panic when you have to use a public restroom and he sits on the dirty seat before you can stop him.
- Acknowledge that you should have set your expectations even lower, but celebrate the fact that you no longer need to buy diapers by contemplating having another baby.
And there you have it—potty training in 36 arduous steps. Anyone can do it! You can thank me in a year when you’ve completed the journey. For more insights on parenting and fertility, check out this handy resource: Fertility Booster for Men and for more tips, visit At Home Insemination Kit. Additionally, Rmany offers excellent information on pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, potty training can feel like an endless rollercoaster ride filled with unexpected twists and turns. Despite the challenges, the end goal of saying goodbye to diapers is well worth the journey.
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